I do not know about you, but I have been brave and patient and full of grace for long enough. Damned COVID-19. We all have psyches that have become chiseled by chronic stress, chronic fear, chronic ‘stuffing’ and chronic denying that we feel any of these things at all. Our metabolism is all screwed up. We do not sleep well, or at all; there is a low-level grind of depression; we do not feel completely well; our body functions are just a bit off; and we are called to deal with something our of our control.
Sometimes, sleep/rest helps with the stress hormone called cortisol. I, and many I am talking to, are having disrupted sleep schedules. I tend to be waking up on the stroke of 3 am. Because I cannot see much without my glasses, I often think it is, say, quarter after seven and it is really 20 minutes of three am. I refuse to worry about it and just put one foot in front of the other and have learned to rest in the midafternoon.
Sometimes, there is low level depression. I am actually having to work hard to not feel an anxiety that has no other reason than change of lifestyle from COVID-19. I have to work at finding interesting things and staying interested in things. I do sense a sadness underlying every day. In part, it is grief that has decided to come as slow ocean ebb and flow through my day. I miss my soulmate. For some reason, he has been very much on my mind. I am a hopeful person, but I am feeling hopeless against COVID-19 and cannot imagine when anything will go back to something somewhat normal. The isolation is devastating for me who is, usually, a social butterfly of sorts in that I like to get out and do simply nothing but watch people and have coffee with friends. My art has become my friend and my sacred activity to deal with this.
I am tending to feel headachy, have a sinus thing, and I know my immunity is low. I am drinking a great deal of ginger honey tea throughout the day, taking B12 doubled up, and using Mucinex and my old faithful Vicks to try to get the sinus to give in and build up some immunity. I am sure that this overbearing COVID-19 stress is causing many of us to lose what little immunity we have. (If you have seen the skin on my hands, you will see the vitiligo I have all over my body. So, this means my immune system crashed a decade or so ago and I am left trying to keep from getting everything that is going around. I got the flu shot. I wrap up good when it is cold. I try to eat immune boosting foods. I am sure many of us are in the same boat. Any inflammation areas flare up. Yes, this can have us fearful and feel miserable. It is hard work, this aging body.
I have noticed my blood pressure is a bit higher, and sugar levels, ugh! I, as usual, crave salt when I am low, and am not eating a diabetic diet. Neither is good for me and a constant battle. I am not willing to promise myself not to eat unhealthily yet. If feels so much like punishment.
Dealing with the affects of COVID-19 is a whole new ballgame. We cannot do, what many of us do, get out and about and get over it. I think this is something we are going to be in for a long haul. Caring for self is so important. This old body is feeling the ravages. Funny thing. I found a Sweet Leggin’s store that was going out of business and they had everything on sale before Christmas and even lower price, a steal actually, now. I bought five daring (stripes, zigzags, harem style, camo, wild flowers, etc.) patterns of good stretch materialled leggings and it gives me joy to wear them all day, and sometimes all night, too. They are not something I would wear outside around people, but, oh the joy in doing something that feels quite daring…lol.
As well, I am seriously using crystals to help me get through this, as well. Today, I am using hematite (you know, that magnetic stone, but be sure it is true hematite not the fake stuff you find in some cheap bracelets) Hematite is great for grounding, for clearing insight, for giving you energy. I have a small medicine pouch necklace that I wear and keep a stone in so I have it on my body to carry where I go.
My decades old small medicine bag necklace.
And, I keep music going 24/7 when I am at my art desk. I bought headphones and they help me listen (without having to disrupt The Bee Man who does not like music in the background) to favorite playlists I have made. This song fits perfectly, and makes me weep every time.
Know we are not alone. We are not completely powerless. We can do this. This is our new way for a time.
And so it is.
©Carol Desjarlais 17.1.21
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