These have been anxious years and the anxiousness and stress is not over. Just the hint that things may get worse is enough to make us more anxious. There are natural fears, but this is not natural for what we are used to life being. Covid is on the rise. Costs are on the rise. Life got harder during the last three years. People, places, things are not without stress and anxiety attached to them. Baseline is Fear. We can become slave to the anxiety. Our imaginations, with time on its hands, rubs them in glee and sparks up all sorts of scenarios, most of them with chaotic endings, sad endings, terrifying endings, endings meaning more change. If we let it! How do we find level ground, balanced ground, when moment to moment, there is always a global crises, a national crises, a community crises, an in-house crises, an inside crises to deal with?
When the body slows down, the mind acts up, speeds up, and our heart rates are up, our blood pressure is up, we feel at top speed but are bored and there is nothing to do, nothing we can afford to do, and nothing that we really want to do. My mind is a beehive of ideas. The body is not willing. The body says go and the rest of us is just too tired. The best remedy for this is to find some sedentary activity we can do. Some can meditate. Some can art. Some do jigsaw puzzles, do crochet. Those busy hands can really give us some sit-down time to fall into an empty space where we can quieten our mind.
Our body is the culprit in that it speeds up when things should really be slowing down and when that speed-up happens, all our senses are on high alert. Take stock of what senses are on high alert right now. I have noticed I can smell my garbage the minute it tends to go off before I empty it. I used to say my mother could smell a mouse before it died. I am there. I could too, if we had any. I notice my hearing is sharper. I can hear cars going by, that I typically have as white noise. My pain intolerance is higher. My taste buds are off so I am craving food but not know what that food is and if someone suggests some restaurant, I immediately crave it. I feel rough skin on my hands and body, like they hare fishhooks catching on things. Drives me nuts (er).
Our emotions tend to be a catastrophic rollercoaster. One moment, I can feel impending doom, but not know who, what, where, when, just a sense of foreboding. Next moment, I am anxious to be shopping in a crowd. Crowds never bothered me before. Now I will walk the perimeter of Walmart to stay out of people’s way. I am not “peopling” well. I change over the decorations outside on our patio just to make myself happy. I work like a dervish, then wear out, and I am back to boredom on the couch with no energy left. Then everything is just “blah”. I thought I had preplanned better than this. I know the lights outside make me happy. Aw… my daughter and PJ and Frncis are going to Ghana for Christmas. It means a Christmas alone. Have to figure out how to fill in some feasts and visitors so I can do things in preparation that give some joy.
The spirit is good though. There has been a definite deepening of soul during these quieter three years. I have done things to develop those things that feed my soul. I have good books to read (not necessarily finding time to do it every day, but good books are there). I have creative projects that I can lose myself in, which is getting in touch with soul, for me.
I think the important thing for me, and, hopefully you, is to slow down, be in tune with your senses, keep tasks to simpler step by step, check reality, stop the evil inner witch/critical inner voice as soon as she takes a breath, channel the excess energy so you do not waste any running in circles. Most of all, be patient with yourself. And, to remember, what is IS. This ought to get us through the doldrums of winter.
I wish you this.
©Carol Desjarlais 11.17.22
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