My house is art-cluttered. We desperately need to have a garage sale to empty out a storage room of old, multiples of stuff from before I came here. I am doing the best I can with shelving, with cabinets, drawers, but, until I finish off for the season with my art kids. I do not see the top of my dining room table being cleared. I will clear and decorate in December when I get done with lessons. In the meantime, this makes me consider what mental clutter I have going on in the drawers and shelves and countertops of my mind.
Surely the weight of that has to be weighing me down. I do not have a sense of anxiety nor do I feel a sense of having to control it all. I am as calm about that as I am the dining room table. I continue to take one step at a time as I heal from the infection in the vein of my leg and allow things to be as they are, with bits and promises to get to more as I heal.
Mental clutter is what keeps us up at night, that keeps us procrastinating, that has us busy mentally shoving it down. The kinds of things that are mental clutter are trying to do too much in a shorter length of time; unhealthy relationships; listening to the critique of ourselves from others; regrets from the past; critiquing ourselves; emotions and triggers we have not worked through; everyday life stressors; poor coping skills, and trying to live up to our own overly high expectations; not forgiving ourselves; not allowing ourselves to have everyday normal flaws.
I am learning to simply be still. I do it best outside under the moon, or under a darkened sky. I am still when I sink into the creation of a painting or art journal page. I try to make the decisions that need to be made, not fuss over how many things I could be doing. I am learning that, when I make a decision, make it stick. I refuse to let negative thoughts and people in to my space. Covid has taught me to simply do what I can do in the time I have to do it and to rest when I feel like it. I have set new boundaries. I seek and sop up empowerment wherever I can find it. I am still not good at asking for help when I need it. I am not sure I will ever get to that place where I can, but with age increasingly causing limitations, I am going to have to really try. Having others carry a burden of mine is still really tough. Little steps.
I am spending more time sorting through some old ideas, habits, that I have and I am finding little hidden gems and bits of clutter here and there and I do something about them when I do. I wish you take some time before the holiday crush to do some mental dusting and moving bits of things around and having a look for your own gems and bits of dust bunnies that can be taken care of. It would be nice to have a clear open space in our heads to start off the new year.
©Carol Desjarlais 11.28.22
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