The restrictions of the pandemic seem to have brought the best, and, yes, the worst, of us out into the light. There seems to be more passive aggressiveness in people around us. I go to the big box store about once a week and do all my shopping in that one store. I notice more and more people who are defiant in going down the wrong one-way aisle. (I back down if I have not far to go down too far – I try to be a rule-follower, lol). People are crabbier, they argue with the tellers as if they were the only ones responsible for higher prices for smaller amounts. Bitchiness resides behind masks that some are wearing against their own denial-belief systems. Conspiracy theorists try to find ways to push their own agendas of fear-based platforms. Politics is fracturing families, communities, countries. Complainers find their bandwagons. Hoards want us to have everyone as frustrated as they are.
Of course, there are those happy happy airy-fairy people who are putting up inane powderpuff pert little gifs and sayings. Rather than seek out and research new topics or new ways of creating, or new recipes to try, or anything that edifies the mind and sense of adventure and exploration, we sink further and further into our teenager mentality of “I’m bored!” Hey, I am right there with all of you, but still a part of me is refusing to give in to apathy.
As an “Eye” watcher, I see eyes above masks and see stress, anxiety, dullness, and occasional smiling eyes. There are fewer “sorry” and “excuse me” as people bull their way through the store. Seems we are less apologetic these days. Perhaps, as a whole, we are being less sensitive to other’s feelings. Perhaps we are being less kind. Perhaps we are tending to be greedier (watch the TP aisle, or yeast aisle, when the shelves are nearly empty).
I think we are finally hitting the wall of common decency and many would blame everything but their own attitudes. People are sniping on Facebook posts, about Facebook posts, people are less defining in their name-calling and rather than be ‘simply critical, they are out and out nasty. Hurt people are hurting people right at soul-level. A young woman, I know, who has given up all her dreams in order to care for ill and aging parents, forgoing furthering her education and having her own life since she was a young teenager, has been attacked for being the best kind of person/hero/admirable young woman. Jealousy is malicious. Emails are being sent throughout the world to leaders of every level, to threaten, to bully, to discourage, to criticize, to judge, to make everyone as miserable as they are…and the scary thing is that ‘herd-mentality’ is taking on a frightening tone and set of actions.
Every day people that we interact with are becoming ‘snipe-y’ /snippy. If we are not careful we can lie awake at night replaying all the goading and sniping in our heads rather than lay our heads down knowing we have done the best we can do for the day and promise to make ourselves better, yet, tomorrow. I might add that I add that my communication not be misconstrued tomorrow since that started my thing that keeps me awake some nights when a seriously best friend decided to think the worst rather than remember who I really am and what I would really do). Some nights it goes beyond just letting things go and I haver to get up and go do something worthier than going through the rough spots of the day. Some of us are struggling not to feel ‘put upon’’. Some of us are sharpening our shoulders and elbows, knowing we cannot sink to such, but think such just the same, then we slide into feeling guilty because we feel such. Some of us wake up feeling feisty. Yes, some days I do that too.
I refuse to fall into that pit of despair where I feel like I need to revenge, refute, readjust someone else’s thinking and doings. I try to see how COVID-19 has heightened people’s fear and that causes them to express themselves in the easiest way there is to express fear and anxiety… with anger. The anger is becoming toxic and just as hurt people hurt people, toxic people can cause toxic people…if we let it.
Yes, there are people out there trying their best to send out good vibrations. Yes, there are people giving out/leaving little gifts of goodness for others to find. Yes, there are sisters on their knees trying to send out something better than they have received. Yes, there are those who continue to fight off the need to feel denigrated, lost, fearful, as the world battles this invisible enemy we are warring with. I have been seeking out new groups that are finding and sharing ways to make little strides of ‘goodness’ out into the world.
One way that I have been working with a group is by joining the group “Ode to Women”, with Olga Furman (seek it out on Facebook or on google) and I just joined another group that is making ATCs to drop around wherever I go – little inspiring little bits of art left for someone who might just need a boost today (of course, at Walmart). In Ode to Women, we have been arting on the theme, Nurses. I am taking the best of mine that are left from my off-day sales, and will be taking each of them to the hospital doors in brown envelopes for nurses to find and have as a piece of my gratitude for the front line nurses who are struggling more than any of us who are not out in the service of others.
These are ones so far: (each is a famous nurse, or someone's favorite)
Try your hardest not to let the negatives find us needy enough to turn against each other in any way. Let us support and love those who make it difficult. Let us find ways to put out bits of love and hope and faith in others.
©Carol Desjarlais 2/13/21
***art inspired by Jenny Manno
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