You are exactly how you feel and act, deeply, dearly, right to your bones, about yourself. How many of us really, truly, know ourselves? Do we know how we feel without prejudice of others? Do we feel authentic feelings or feelings others conditioned us to have? Do we always feel unsatisfied with self because our muscle memories say we are ‘not enough’? Dive deep into your very own soul and see who is there.
Do we always be what others expect of us? Do we pretend we do not have shadow side so well that we have forgotten we are too human and all humans are flawed? Being genuine means that you are REAL, not someone’s idea of who you are. Perfection is not real.
It matters that we are unique, think, act, talk, in our own unique way. Life around us tries to condition us, train us, manipulate us to be what they want us to be, for their own agendas. When we are not being authentic, we will feel disconnected, depressed, lonely, and a little lost.
It is normal to want to fit in. It is most pressing when we are teens and some of us drag that on into our adulthood. We have a need for being loved, not just accepted. We adapt. We can become needy and therefore we strive to get others to fulfill that need, when, if we were authentic, we will remain our wonderfully unique personality.
Being our unique self is not dangerous. In cave-woman times, it was serious that we were not different. To NOT be accepted could mean to be thrown out of the tribe (or killed as a danger to the tribe) and, usually death, by being alone. Our Lizard Brain remembers this and so we are easily manipulated, unconsciously. We are still like children who run to their mother’s skirts when we are afraid and fall into the rut of tiny tiny self in ticky tacky ways. We need to face our fears with the courage and the dedication to knowing what is dangerous for us. We may even be afraid to face the Self that may be hidden deeply within. We can slowly peel back the layers of conditioning and explore who we really are before it comes raging out like an angry bull, slithering out like a sneaky snake, or sidling out like a frightened animal.
We need to find out what we, and we alone, truly believe about ourselves and question where those beliefs came from. Who do they belong to? They were not our own beliefs for our authentic soul knows its divinity. Be a fly on the wall of your soul. Who is that? We are muted stone that, when polished, reveals gold of great worth for its uniqueness.
Consider your words, what you say how you say it. I am often said to be angry since I get really passionate about what I might believe. I a not angry, I am totally passionate about some things. I am learning to tone it down, yet, I am spontaneously joyous and excited and committed to some things. I am more quietly toned when I am questioning something, a sense of doubt of the authenticity of something, or when I meet hypocrisy. When I am really angry, I am quiet. And, yes, betimes there is a storm that follows when I am passionate about such. I, again, am trying to tone that down, not for others, but for self. I do not ever wish to show my fear and powerlessness by being defensive and it is taking time to pare that down to authentic feelings and expressions of such.
I hope that this gives you some food for thought. What are your truths? How do you make decisions? Do you make them considering the Herd? Do you sit, in a quiet moment, and truly contemplate why you are who you are and whether that is truly you? Do you constantly try to improve yourself, to challenge yourself, to dig in and find out what is authentic about you? Do you listen to your own intuition rather than always looking to others for advice and for others to make your decisions?
Your true self and your purpose are tied together in a bow of the gift you are to the world. You are the answer to someone’s prayers. Do you contemplate that? We all should. Be your own unique fingerprint/hand print on the world. May you be your wonderful, phenomenal you!
©Carol Desjarlais 2.26.21
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