Tender Thinking

My wish for you
Is that you continue
         Continue
To be who and how you are
To astonish a mean world
With your acts of kindness
         Continue
To allow humor to lighten the burden
Of your tender heart
         Continue
In a society dark with cruelty
To let the people hear the grandeur
Of God in the peals of your laughter
          Continue
To let your eloquence
Elevate the people to heights
They had only imagined
         Continue
To remind the people that
Each is as good as the other
And that no one is beneath
Nor above you
        Continue
To remember your own young years
And look with favor upon the lost
And the least and the lonely
        Continue
To put the mantel of your protection
Around the bodies of
The young and defenseless
        Continue
To take the hand of the despised
And diseased and walk proudly with them
In the high street
Some might see you and
Be encouraged to do likewise
         Continue
To plant a public kiss of concern
On the cheek of the sick
And the aged and infirm
And count that as a
Natural action to be expected
         Continue
To let gratitude be the pillow
Upon which you kneel to
Say your nightly prayer
And let faith be the bridge
You build to overcome evil
And welcome good
       Continue
To ignore no vision
Which comes to enlarge your range
And increase your spirit
       Continue
To dare to love deeply
And risk everything
For the good thing
       Continue
To float
Happily in the sea of infinite substance
Which set aside riches for you
Before you had a name
       Continue
And by doing so
You and your work
Will be able to continue
Eternally

"Continue" - © Maya Angelou

Tenderness has something to do with bonding, in the beginnings.  I will blog about it as a nurturing mothering thing, for women, specifically, but can later become transgendered as we age and depending on how we were treated/conditioned. Tenderness is part of empathy, as is sympathy and concern.  When something so dear it moves us, we are emotionally tender towards that.   Newborns, especially our own, newly birthed child, brings on tenderness and whether birth tenderizes us or whether it is a god-given reaction to new things, I cannot say, but I know it does.  I can say the same of adopting a child and my response was that same tender feeling the moment I saw them.  As well, elderly people have always brought out tenderness in me.  Tenderness seems to be a response to things that are dear, where sympathy, might be a drawing to wounded/hurt people and animals.

When my maternal birth family found me, in 2006, with every sibling I met, there felt like a surge that exited my soul towards them.  It was a physical thing.  It was tested when a brother, who was not at the gathering to meet me, was standing about twelve feet from me when I turned around from the luggage cart.  My heart surged towards him and I ran to him, a perfect stranger, saying, "I would know you anywhere"!  Again, this Summer, as my paternal found me and I started to meet them, the same thing happened... I felt that physical surge, with each of the cousins when I met them.  And, then there was an internet, ancestry.ca contact; a beautiful young man who, upon seeing his first photo, gave me the same surge.  I knew, long before we could find out how he was related, that we were.  When I met the paternal; cousin , here, in Vernon, the first person I asked for answers about, was this connection.  I knew his birth name and, as soon as I asked, it was confirmed that he was a half-brother's son, born in Toronto.  I was able to call him and tell him that I was his aunt.    There is a nonverbal exchange of tender emotional connections.  

If this be so, and, for me, it is, then we need to be more cautious about feelings in our heart and soul, and mind.  There is something about affection and, yes, a complete trusting love, that happens; and, is the case, the exact opposite can be felt.  I know, there are times that I get a shuddering sense of a person who absolutely sends shivers down the back of my neck and I will avoid that person.  (In another blog, I will speak to "The Watchers" as the Medicine Man called them, but enough to say that I was taught how to, spiritually, know those people who I am not to have eye contact with, even.)  

I have always not had certain boundaries set in stone.  My life has been one of wavering boundaries depending on situation and happenings.  If my self-talk had been strong, and it was not something I knew to even do, let alone try to control that, my life would have been much easier.  I have a history of letting people cross my invisible, undeclared, boundaries.  Duh!  And I learn more about boundaries when something comes up.  Again, I am a slow learner about some things.  I am a thinker of thoughts, but not always a thinker of thoughts that could save me from some chaos.

As I consider how to change myself, yet again, and we all must.  We are not static beings, nor stagnant beings.  Everything about us gives out communication.  Our very body language invites or repels; we look hard or we look soft.  We give off vibes that we are open to conversations, that we are comfortable with ourselves, that we are shallow or deep, that we have boundaries or we don't, and the list goes on.  We can say we are who we are and others accept us or not, and typically, that means we are not changing, nor are we willing, nor are we the gentle, tender, person that would develop strong bonds.  I continue to change.  I continue to make mistakes and wish not to.  I wish and therefore I am continually changing in order to be a better person.  I think, therefore I am?  I am trying.  I may not be a tender thinker for the most part, but I am trying to be a tender person and that is what counts.  Every setback reminds me that God is not done with me yet.  

©Carol Desjarlais 11.15.19