Tender Mercies

 “oh, the heartbreakingly beautiful tender weight of being human.” ― AVA., you are safe here.

When our emotions mature, we should be remembering past hard things in a positive light;  what lesson did we learn, what blessings came, and how did it change you for the better, rather than poor pitiful me.  Otherwise we remain a woman dragging her teenaged wishes and hopes and unresolved issues along with us into our Elderhood.

As we mature, we should be able to regulate our emotions and when we have healed the past, as best we can, we should not be reacting/acting out of those lost teenager's broken hearts and wishes and dreams.  We come, I believe, to experience a lessening of what we once thought near to life or death and realize that they were mere pebbles compared to hard things that come as we age and life hands us bigger losses to deal with. As we age, we desire more peace and therefore, we mature into remembering the more positive things and positive outlooks on past memories.  I feel this, strongly.

I now seem to put a 'lesson learned' thought to memories.  Apparently this is the best way to make life more peaceful as we age and evolve towards and end goal of trying to regulate life as we remember it.  The stories we tell, more and more, have a happier evolution as if we were trying to put forward that life was not at all all unpleasant.  As if, we reconcile our thoughts to it all being worthwhile, in some way.  The song "My Way" sung by so many different singers, and has become a classic, pretty much says it all, in ways we reconcile:

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I've traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say - not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes, it was my way

-Songwriters: Claude Francois / Gilles Thibaut / Jacques Revaux / Paul Anka ( which truly surprised me and found that Anka found this song, in France and rewrote it for his hit song)

To be healthy aging women, we absolutely have to find a way to not dwell on our past negatives.  Living with regrets, anger, hurt, from past things simply means you will remain unhappy, worried, stressed, and shame-ridden.  We cannot change anything in the past.  We can only change the NOW in preparation for the NEXT.  It has always been our choice.

©Carol Desjarlais 11.27.19