“As a highly sensitive person, every little thing elicits a strong reaction in me.”
― Tracy M. Kusmierz, 9 Things I
Wish People Knew About Me as a Highly Sensitive Introvert
We
carry all our yesterdays and all our todays within us. When we react, we react from that place. We can neither leave it behind, and will
always carry it all along with us. When
we heal our past, it no longer continues to follow along like a bad
shadow. When emotions are high we can
lose the reins that hold those wild horse feelings run wild. Somehow, the psyche needs to release those
intense feelings that build up over time.
Yes, the straw that broke the camel's back. Ego is strong if we let it be.
First
and foremost, after the dust and hurt settles, we have to validate that there
is a reason we lose it. Then we have to
dig deep and know the WHY of it.
Allowing ourself to stew, to fume, to continue to stay in the middle of
the mess is the worst thing we can do.
We cannot run away from people, place, things, because it follows right
along as much as our shadow does. WE
cannot run away from ourselves. No one
causes this to happen. We allow it to
happen. We have to take full
responsibility for the outburst and not focus on the thing that set it
off. As well, those who are on the
receiving end can validate those low feelings, their lack of esteem, their way
of allowing such things to make them fall back into old ways of being. Realizing that the outburst was not all about
that moment, gives cause to consider the WHY of that as well. To salvage a relationship, both have to acknowledge
their own part... or not. Yes, we
hurt. Yes, we are sorry. Each have feelings that are triggered, and
typically, all involved are sent whinging back into a past hurt or past anger,
that has been triggered. Our interpretations
tend to want to make the decision as to what place we choose to be after it
all. We will need to find a way to seek
healing to relieve ourselves of all of it.
The
fight or flight response is huge. The
loss of reason becomes lost if we do not set about following the feelings back
to its origin and, without blame; seek ways to heal that in ourselves that allows
us to choose to feel such.
As I
work through these days that follow, I come to more and more knowing of myself
and the WHY I cannot seem to validate
that I am feeling pressured, that I am tired, that I am sick, that I am overwhelmed
with things and that the pressure is building.
Feeling belittled, feeling criticized, then expounded by statements that
I feel as if being told I am unworthy, is a dark place for me to be. Why do I choose to be there? How can I find ways to let some of that go
before it builds up? These are the ways
of being tender with myself: The search
for ways to let others know when my boundaries are completely crossed, or
nearing so; Again and again, I search
for those things that would make me a better person; those things that would
lead me to be a calmer person more in charge of my own emotions. And the search is long, arduous, and more denigrating
than being denigrated by anyone else, to be sure.
Challenge: Can you do a
page that speaks to where you go to find comfort? What soothes the hurt? What
comforts you as you seek knowing and change?
©Carol
Desjarlais 11.9.19
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