“If
you’ve ever met an energy vampire (and you probably have), you’ll get the
distinct feeling that this person has an intense need to prey off the vitality
of others. There is a kind of acute neediness present in energy vampires which
can be quite overwhelming and depleting to those they come in contact with.”
― Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing
― Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing
We can all become overwhelmed with stresses that are
real or sensed. Everyone is one more stressor away from crashing. We crash differently. When we crash, we feel differently. We can arc between guilt, sadness, shame,
feel, physical illnesses, sleeplessness, and there is a constant struggle
within. All we need is for someone else
to doggedly, constantly, digging into what empathy we have left for self, by choosing
to niggle into our heads and adding more and more stress than we already are
battling. While we are trying to wage
war within, against negativities, we can have people piling their own on us, if
we do not set boundaries. Sometimes we
set boundaries when it all goes down, because we trusted that the other would
not continue to pile it on.
Some people are bone-lonely. They lose or block out more and more of their
network people, family and friends, and then focus in on using those who are use-able. Sometimes we have to extricate
ourselves so that the other can turn back to past friends, to past family, to
past networking people in order for us to finally take care of our own
issues. Our own issues really need to be
examined, as well, because we allowed this to happen and the more we tried to
turn things to the positive, the more the other can push with drama and
constant negative issues that you, in no way, can fix, nor should we have
to.
There are brooders out there, stuck in their mires
of choice and, in an almost macabre way, enjoying the muddle. They have learned to get attention through
chaos and are constantly building their own sense of poor-poor me in the
slightest of things. But, they do not
want to fix things themselves, and make an effort to do anything about it all
because it is easier to hook on to someone else and have them be their new
reason for feeling negative, rather than picking themselves up and dusting
themselves off. At some point, we need
to dive into clearer waters just to get some of the byproduct of their brooding
off us.
There are those who, without, necessarily, conscious
controlling, want to control how you feel as well. They will invalidate your own feelings while magnifying
their own. When we reject ourselves in
order to abdicate our own emotional health for someone else, they are empowered
to lean harder. When we step away, it is
not out of rejection, it is because we need a break. Just because we say learn on me, it does not
mean, always and forever. We all have
strengths and weaknesses and we all have the volition to use those skills or
not. The pressure can be huge when they
are those who constantly feel rejected when every little thing does not go
their way. One builds a sense of guilt
if we were to start to pull away to save ourselves. And, there will be evidence that this has
happened before with other people, but sometimes our love and compassion
becomes their tool to dig in deeper.
We all have grief and we all respond to grief in
different ways. We never get over a
truly huge loss in our lives, we change, and sometimes that change is permanent
and sometimes that change means that our love for the lost grow more dignified
and fuller so that we blossom rather than stand around like a dead piece of
straw. Part of the grief process is learning to grow
into more of ourselves, rather than who we thought we and the lost one were, in
our lives, and who we memorialize as more perfect than was. There
is a time and place for embroiled grief stages and should dissipate and change
into growth as we discover we are taking their place in life. That is how the loss of Man Hands has
affected me. I do not bathe myself in
pity as I try to make a new life because of that loss. It is not
easy and it teaches patience with others who do not. It is way too easy to say we can get through
it. We only get through it and move into
something different than our hopes and dreams that were lost with our loved
one. Other people's grief that is mired,
can get us stuck too. If we do not realize that we reopen old wounds, sometimes,
we are not being tender with each other.
In part, you can recognize someone who has been
sucking your emotional energy, by how guilty you feel if you do not jump to
their sad whims and negative needs. Sometimes
our lives being easier, or that we moved more quickly, can turn us to stone and
we come to think we deserve someone else's burdens. It is seriously okay to feel good when others
do not, but you can be drawn into their sadness, bitterness, misery very easily
if you have been primed to feel what they feel.
Boundaries. Another case of
boundaries that we should have set maybe a long time ago, in order to save ourselves
when our own saving is needed.
Every one of us is victim to something, some place,
or some people. We have to seek
solutions, of our own, to combat these things.
We either choose to let it all be our problem, or we can nurture and be
tender with ourselves so that we grow emotionally, intellectually, and
spiritually. Tales of woe can bring us
back down to things that make us tired and have us feel used. We need to draw within and really take a long
look at how to put things into perspective.
We are not empowering ourselves and others, if we do not help them stand
on their own two feet. We are becoming
enmeshed and that is not a nice place to be.
Serenity, peace, self-tenderness, can be lost amid the fray and the void
is heavy as stone when you realize you saved nothing for yourself.
Society has become such a narcissistic society. We are important, but not the only important
one. We are enough, for ourselves, not necessarily
for others. We need to learn that what
we expect of people, places, things, is not exactly how it will go. Being self-dependent is huge. People who need
positive or negative ego-stroking are not the kind of people that keep us
healthy. Their needs come before all
else, no matter how close you are.
Raising your own energy-field does wonders to the energy in the
ether. Do not be a drainage ditch. It is so easy to be this. I have been, as have most, and, in the end,
it only makes life more difficult for everyone. Setting boundaries is key, for
self and for others you include in your circle.
We should make each other's lives
easier, not more difficult. We need to
really watch ourselves that we are not adding to the drainage problems of
today's living.
Be tender. Be
tender with self. Be tender with
others. Don't turn a field of daisies
into a field of swamp. Be careful with yourself
that you are not a swamp-field inmate or developer. Be tender but take no crap,
either. Be tender with self yet keep a
sharp eye out that you do not drain someone else's positivity that they might
have been clinging to.
©Carol Desjarlais 11.23.19
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