I know myself well enough to now, setting a goal does not mean heading in a straight line to the goal. It means I am, like a meandering river, going to scribble a long and winding way to finally get somewhere – not exactly there. Setting INTENTIONS suits my personality way better. This Moon, I am feeling the weight of my Intentions. I realize how morbidly boring I have become. I have gained weight back. I feel logy and listless because I do not feel good about myself. I am not really trying to live the diabetic lifestyle. It is full of kinds of food I cannot tolerate most days, so I throw up my hands and just eat what everyone else is eating. As well, I have picked up the habit of hanging around in my jammies, some days even forget to comb my hair (looks ok from the front, god knows how many swirls in the back though), and I look washed out and frumpy. I INTEND to make two simply changes – to live like a diabetic and to get the heck dressed, complete with make up, before ten in the mornings. Every morning I need to take a big breath and take the time to follow through.
See, I can get great things done quickly in the mornings. So, of course, I get on it and work like a whirlwind until I lose my energy then I am pretty much no good for the rest of the day, except meals. I am very aware I am not who I used to be – the one who worked from dawn to dusk and sometimes through the night as well. Cannot do it any more. I can last until about 1 pm and then I am done. By then, I have forgotten to take my pills and have not eaten, my blood sugar drops to the basement and I am that kind of done. Perhaps getting into the habit of dressing up might slow me down in the mornings so I take more time for myself, including eating and pills. Intentions are a good thing because it helps to make better habits.
Perhaps I need to make some word strips: EAT – DRESS – HAIR -MAKEUP! Perhaps then, my Evil Inner Witch might figure out that I am serious and maybe will not have so many things to criticize myself about. Intentions have less to do with outcome than Goal Setting does. Intentions just mean that INTEND. Intentions hold no space for guilt if we do not accomplish it…whereas a goal...oh, then the Ego has lots to say if you do not get it done the way it thinks it should be. Intentions are gentler. I need to do this all in a more compassionate way and I will TRY to follow through on my intentions.
Do you understand the difference between Intentions and Goals? Be gentle with yourself but set even one intention for this coming month.
©Carol Desjarlais 3.19.23
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