What Day Is It, What Calendar-Day Is It, What Year For Goodness Sakes?
I feel safe and in harmony more often as I age. It seems, once I retired, I had time to notice. There is a stillness that comes over me and I recognize peace that has settled in to my soul. It is then that I feel like I want to isolate so that no one or no thing can enter that space and ruin it for me. Some times I am like a mother with a sick child. I feel protective.
Some days, it is so much of “same old, same old” that it gets confusing. The only way I keep track is my pill case that says “Mon, Tues, Wed…” and when I turn on my computer it gives the full date. Otherwise, I could be caught in a spiraling monotony.
A few years after retirement, one has to dream up things to do. I find I am wont to procrastinate because I need something to do the next day. I wake up during the night and wander around like some bedraggled old woman looking to make magic with whatever I find that is loose and hanging around. It is then I do some of the quiet cleaning because no one else is up to walk on my newly mopped floors.
Sometimes I am toast and do an afternoon nap. If I oversleep, I do not know if it is 3 am or 3 pm and I have to go look. I do not worry about waking up at 3 am. It is a great creative time of day. I never stay in bed and fuss about being awake. I get up and get things done. Days meld into one another, often. Weeks are whipping by... love to have a new month come... it brings us one step closer to lovely weather. I do not fuss with time passing. Maybe when you get my age, it is welcome. I can get so much art done at 3 am, with not a bother or a break-in to my creative space. All of this masters. Even though one day can be like another, following the rituals of each day helps me be present without have to note the time.
Today is a Gemini day that is transitioning over to Cancer. It is a day of having a bubble bath and staying calm and letting the spirit of cancer move in. Everything I tend to do have some kind of spirit to it. Is it because we are consciously thinking of it?
The other day, I went on our Rocking Field Trip. Even there, I felt the filling of my soul, being in the mountains, having my hands in the soil, finding gemstones that have been covered for eons. Even finding old tree bark and petrified branches amidst the granite and fluorite. Yes, even that fills my soul in some way.
What are things that have you feel safe, in harmony, and that your spirit is being fed?
©Carol Desjarlais 3.28.23
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