What do I want from my last days or years? Inner peace, dignity and grace. I set my intention today to make thinking of such, reacting in such a way, that I begin to make such a habit. I invoke Hecate to guide me and help me remember what it is that is most important to me. I need to be a gentler person.
Once I gave little thought to the future. I was slogging it through life and getting through one day at a time. Now, every day feels so spacious. I have all the time in the world to do whatever it is I might do and what does nit get done today will get done tomorrow. Since 2005, I have been ticking through time, a sense of putting in time. Some days it feels like a long wait.
I have to remember that I am but a grain of sand in Creation. There are so many levels of creation; nature is one. I need to remember to be more grateful for things in nature and especially since she is hurting with the projections of climate Change being her obvious expression of that hurt. I need to remember to do what I can, personally, to change my footprint.
I want to write about what matters to me and hope what I write also matters to others. I want to sit with my quiet and tune in to others and what they might need for me. I still believe I am here for a purpose and perhaps what I am passionate about might be that part of why I am here and able to stay this long. We never do anything of any good without there being a sacrifice of some kind and I must see my sacrifices as expressions that I am, indeed, doing my part.
For example. If I go out and work with my plants and beautiful my small space, and then I hurt from doing so, that that is the cost for doing something right. And, again, to remind myself, daily, that my scars have been for the good because it was my scars that made me so successful in my job. Clients did not have to use their words to express the inexpressible. I had intuitive knowing for, I, too, had reasons not to speak at one time. I have to take care to be compassionate with myself, to keep healthy enough to do what it is that I am required to do. This summer has been an example of how my energy returned just in time for me to be of loving service to others all summer.
I need to remember that I have had many teachers, sometimes daily, in my life and be grateful for them and to honor them by continuing to use the wisdom they imparted upon me. I experience their wisdom even years after they are gone and I know they continue to teach me. I sense them moving me more and more towards peace and acceptance…yes, sometimes surrender.
Hecate becomes the symbolic name for all these things. Her lantern, her stone carved vessel of light, is symbolic of the wisdom brought to me by such wonderful teachers, in her name, who drive me, yet, who inspire me, who get me through hard times, dark times, by creating some warm light during some cold times.
There is a writing, a reminder, a solution to it all and a reward:
“Charge of the Crone –
Hear the words of the Dark goddess who stands at the crossroads, whose torch illuminates the Underworld: I am Queen of Magic and the dark of the moon. Hidden in the deepest night. I am the mystery of the Otherworld and the fear that coils about your heart in the time of your trials. I am the soul of nature that gives form to the universe: it is I who await you at the end o the spiral dance. Most ancient amongst gods and mortals, let my worship be within the heart that has truly tasted life, for behold all acts of magic and art are my pleasure and my greatest ritual is love itself. Therefore, let there be beauty in your strength, compassion in your wrath, power in your humility, and discipline balanced through mirth and reverence. You who seek to remove my veil and behold my true face, know that your questioning and efforts are for nothing, ad all your lust and desires shall avail you not at all. For, unless you know my mystery, look wherever you will, it will evade you, for it is within you and nowhere else. For behold, I have been with you, from the very beginning, the comforting hand that nurtured you from the dawn of life, and the loving embrace that awaits you at the end of each life, for I am that that awaits you at the end of each dance, and I am the womb of new beginnings, as yet unimagined and unknown.”
-author unknown.
So, what is it I truly want of this rest of my life? Ah, yes, peace, fulfilment, dignity and grace. And |I can have these if I seek that which is within. What a concept. It has been there all along and showed up a courage and bravery and my resilience. It is with me yet. This should be a comfort to me as I follow the light.
May you feel it as well.
©Carol Desjarlais 10.13.22
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