When other people are not meeting your needs, you begin to feel lonely, rejected, unloved, and abandoned. It is a natural human response. It is messy and multi-layered. We need others to hold space for us. We need to hold space for ourselves.
Sometimes it may come from someone else needing their own space for a bit while they are working out their own abandonment issues. Because we all have these feelings, when two feel the same, but are unable to express it, there may be some manipulation in it. Others may show bullying and anger to try to keep someone in their lives. Everyone involved becomes ultra-sensitive and it heightens the feelings unable to be expressed.
We can not be emotionally available all the time. We are all unique and have our own unique histories that we may know nothing about. It does not necessarily mean I do not love you. It means, I need space to figure this emotional situation out.
If we look at the wider ideology of emotional abandonments, we see that we do not stop loving someone when they die. In fact, we love them more. Sometimes you need to hold love for someone going through emotional turmoil. Do you understand that love emanates from you and only you. Your love is yours. You can only abandon your own self-love. Others do not count.
Compassion is the key to understanding and for being able to hold space for another. You must not block what others can give and, instead, in that space you hold for yourself, fill it with loving acts.
Love is there whether it is reciprocal at all. Think back and remember a time when you loved more than you received. We have those, all of us. Remember that first boyfriend you thought you would die without. Didn’t die, did you! You held that love and eventually you found someone you could give it to that gave back. You are that love, not someone else. Don’t bury that in you. Don’t let scar tissue break open every time it starts to feel that you are being abandoned. Hold on to all that love you have because your love is not dependent on anyone else.
When you are not feeling fulfilled and love simply is never returned and you begin to suffer from it, it may mean you need to disentangle yourself. You need to identify that because you love, it hurts and acknowledge that. If you feel anger; feel it. Then, turn that unwanted love on to those who love and deserve you. Honor the love you carry within your soul. Turn that love in on itself and let it grow within you so that scar tissue does not build up and close your heart to others being able to love you.
If you are lonely and feeling unloved and abandoned, seek out ways to fulfill that need within you by finding those that need more love than they are getting. Your love needs someplace to go. Do not abandon yourself.
©Carol Desjarlais 12.28.21
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