Each of us, a snowflake in design; a woman is multi-faceted in personality and energy. Count the positions you fulfill. Sit down and make a list of all the roles you take on. It will take your breath away to consider how you are elder-grandmother-cook-cleaner-nurse-teacher-lover-sister-mother-daughter-wife/girlfriend-sidechick-sister in law-secretary-mentor-assistant-singer-maid-bookkeeper-financial advisor- hangman’s wife-judge-executioner-activities coordinator-creator-waitress-maître de- and the list goes on according to needs and deeds. Our ability to be whatever role is needed at the moment, is commendable at best and divine at least. Our unique personal feminine energy makes us ENOUGH no matter how professional we are at our job. To say we are NOT ENOUGH is total denial of our worth and worthiness.
We shape-shift. Our feminine energy affords us to opportunity to change forms and formats into whatever the moment requires, whatever those around us require, whatever we require. Wherever there is a need, there we are! Some we ace! Some, we do not! But we give it ‘the old heave ho’ and do what we do when we do it, with little thought at the expense to ourselves. How do we refill the personal feminine energy?
We absolutely have to have COVID-19 fatigue. It has been a long, long, dreary, frightening, stressed, year. I think women feel it more because of the many roles we fulfill. We should ‘get it’ by now, that what we need to do is make ourself happy, do activities that make us happy, find ways to be happy about what we are doing.
At this point, we should have gotten past the conspiracy theories about masks and covid, and we should be over being insulted that others do not treat the risks the way we do ( I imagine standing in the middle of aisle 4 and telling someone to put on their damned mask, and besides, they are going the wrong way from the directional arrows). We should have worn all our new masks with pride. We should have stopped comparing ourselves to others because we are all anonymous with masks on. On woman walked past her ex, and new girlfriend, and he never noticed it was her and she felt so freed. Anonymity is something new for us. We have nothing to prove. Wearing ‘masks’ is the new normal and we no longer have to ‘put on our face’ in order to have a mask. (Note to self, clean the makeup off the masks). Now we do not have to compare ourselves to others (we do, admit it), we can just be grateful and happy in our little bubble.
We have ‘time’. Oh, we have time to do whatever it was we needed time for. Well, we need to drive to do it, more, now that there is free time. We can do little projects, read all day long, if we like, find things that nourish our souls. We get to do what we want now.
Complainers will always complain. Don’t be that person. Be one who watches every comedy on Netflix just to laugh right to the bottom of your toes laugh. Find things that make you laugh so hard you pee a little. Do things that make you laugh until your stomach hurts. My daughter and her girlfriend went to the H20 Park and the underwater scene can be seen by mall walkers. They did water ballet. They did dancing to hip hop music. They put on a show for those mall walkers, I am sure. And they laughed until they breathed in water. Do that. Do a bunch of silly things; break into song, break into a dance, entertain yourself with things that make your insides laugh until you can hardly breathe.
Do things just for you! Find your best self and show your house pet how Queenly you are. Even if that pet is a stuffed teddy bear. I wore my bright neon socks that did not match anything and smiled beneath my mask all through the big box store. One day I painted my eyebrows too dark. It was my personal laugh at self. When we are happy inside, we give off an aura of happiness. It is not a selfish act – ok, maybe it is, but it is worth it to do things for self, just for self, no atter how foolish it might be.
The Bee Man bought me a new baking tool. He got me a deluxe toaster, air fryer, convection baking oven. I am busily finding recipes for use in it. It is a treat to try new things out now that I have a captive audience (albeit, of one). Plan an occasional treat. I am going to make angel food churros in my air fryer and I am not going to feel guilty eating, maybe, all of them. I am still losing weight so I can afford that kind of treat once in a while. I am going to get the jets going in the tub and have a bubble bath. I am going to light candles, pour in the patchouli oil, and take in a good book and thoroughly enjoy myself. I never get to really enjoy water. I rush through a shower to get on to the next thing. Yes, treat oneself.
Covid is a real threat. We should be past the worrying and are making “being safe” a priority and are doing it normally rather than out of fear. I made a playlist of happy songs and have it booming in my headphones as I art. I am refusing to worry. My daughter and granddaughter drove home through mountain passes in the record-setting blizzard we so seldom get here in our fruit basket area. I could have worried al day until I had her clinging for life off a dead tree limb on the steepest part of the mountain. But, this time, I let be what as and had faith in her driving and carefulness. Yes, I am refusing to worry. I could dote on the negative having lost two nephews, two sisters-in-law, during covid, having a step-grandteen slipping into youth covid response that was life-threatening and he was in intensive care and now being moved into a longer-term care facility. Yes, I have things to worry about. But I have learned that it does no good. I focus on what I can do rather than focus on what can’t be done. I am supporting rather than adding to my son and his wife’s feelings of helplessness. I find myself seeking plans of action rather than slipping into the emotional responses.
And, now is the time to shift the weight off your shoulders. Getting out of friendships that do not nurture you, moving yourself away from family members that drain you. Yes, it is ok to NOT feel a sense of duty to anyone who slimes you with negativity. It will free you. I promise. No guilt. This is not the time to be exhausted by others. Now is not the time to exhaust others. This is the time to free yourself of enmeshments.
No more “should, wouldas, coulda’s” and more “I don’t wannas”. Say no when you feel a no. Guilt is a bygone word for those perfectionist days of ours. You get to decide what every day is going to be like. You might get some surprises along the way that would not have usually even be noticed. Enjoy those.
We may find that our roles are the most enjoying thing of life. We get to orchestrate our Present moments. Enjoy the little things. Make little differences. Try to change up your roles and your attitudes towards them. We can survive this with some aplomb. But, to do so, we need refueling. What ways are you nurturing your personal feminine energy?
©Carol Desjarlais 15.11.20
***Inspired by Christy Sobolewski
No comments:
Post a Comment