Coping With Color

 

 

 

We are not meant to socially and physically distance for such a long time.  Our basic instincts as human beings mean that we are social beings.  And, we are not conditioned to trust the way we are being asked to trust now, in that we are blindly trusting that everyone is keeping everyone else safe.  We hear of parties all over and people are gathering, and our Ego begins to feel left out.  But this is life or death to so many. Ten youth were exposed, right here in our little town next door, Friday night.  And, we have felt so safe here with no outbreaks at all.  But here it is! We are meant to huddle together when in danger.  And, we were not meant to do this for so long, and changes have worn us down.  There are fears and distrust now.  Big time!  How long can we sustain this?

 I find it getting difficult to keep from being bored with myself.  I am finding it hard to have hope for many things.  So, I have done something about it.  My daughter is coming for a week’s reprieve, herself, and I am sooo looking forward to it.  As well, I have invited two brothers for Christmas.  One lost his wife earlier this year and the other is single and always spent Christmas with them.  Now I am super excited about two things.  My daughter has put up her Christmas lights early, this year.  I am going to start doing the same.  I think I will have Christmas early with my daughter.  Wouldn’t that be fun?  PJ is spending Christmas with her father so my daughter, depending on the weather in the passes, might come out for Christmas too, but this would be an excuse for PJ to have Christmas with us., early.  Oh, I am on a roll now.  I usually wait until after November 11^th to decorate for Christmas. so, there I go.  That will keep my spirits up.

A we muddle through all this change, I find it may seem like low level stressors, but, in reality, it is huge.  There are so many restrictions and I have lost trust in others to keep me and mine safe.  Fight or Flight responses were not meant to be kept going over long periods of time.  It has been nine months.  There is a silent killer amongst us and, of course, the psyche is on alert.  It is leading to burn-out with so many.  Me included!

There are times I feel an inner resentment.  There are times that I have no motivation.  In fact, I spent the day doing nothing but dinner yesterday, because I stayed curled up with a blanket all day watching Netflix.  I had been out in the weather for five hours all Saturday, and \i was chilled to the bone and weary.  I try not to focus on what I cannot do and find ways to replace what \i usually do with other things.  I am grateful for our two friends who are definitely social distancing (her mother is in a senior’s home, 96 years old, and very vulnerable).  We get together every three evenings, or so, and play cards and have a few hours of respite from trying to din things to occupy ourselves with. 

Winter is looming before us and I need color.  I need adventure.  I need some exciting things to happen and so I am creating that in my life in safe ways.  It all feels so random, though.  With the new spikes, and high spikes at that, we are in this for a long while.  So many of us are exhausted already.  Color.  I need color and festivities of some kind.

How about you?  How are you coping and what are you doing to cope?

©Carol Desjarlais 2.11.20