Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" "You're short, you're fat, you're old and you're gray. It certainly isn't you, so back away." – Oprah
How many times do we need to be reminded that we are Enough? We are amazing creations. It is way beyond dour DUTY to be Queens of our Life. It is a given, a gift, a ‘no returns’ absolute truth. We deserve respect. We deserve giving our grandmothers, our mothers, our sisters, our aunts, our female friends, all women, our respect. We have, as I have blogged before, divine DNA within us. That connection alone, is beyond awesome, beyond miracle, and for that alone, we should hold ourselves in great esteem. No matter what your EIW (Evil Inner Witch/ Ego/inside voice/voices of the past) is trying to tell you, it is up to us to change that chatter into the positive.
The only way we think we are, or are not, beautiful, is that we are judging, comparing, ourselves with others and the scripted belief that we should all look like magazine photo shoots of technologically manipulated women’s photos. We have bought into the facades. We look in a mirror and only see what we deem to be our flaws, set against a fantasy photo shoot. We forget, we are made exactly who we are, physically, by Creator. We espouse Christianity but then degrade the reality that Creator made of our body. I always loved the quote that went around on social media thirty years ago where a bedraggled little boy character with a caption, “God does not make garbage!” We are beautiful in our own unique way. We are courageous for even waking up some mornings. We matter to people we even might not know. If a mirror is telling you otherwise, cover it, turn it to the wall, refuse to look and allow that critical voice to say anything.
Let go of all the negative feedback of your past. You are not that person as of a second ago. The voices are nothing but fading whispers of jealousy. It should not matter that anyone else likes, approves, of your body. No matter out appearance, we are worthy of love and acceptance. And, if you are trying to wear railroad bridge high stiletto heels and deal with the shooting pain in your feet, QUIT IT! Age cures any hopes of being flawless, as if we ever could be at peace with our body appearance. Instead of seeking the negative, seek the beauty... notice your eyes, look deep. Within your eyes is a whole beautiful world of who you really are.
Have you considered the kinds of things you say to Self? It is a scary thing when we think of it. Our inner voice says things we would NEVER allow anyone else to say to us. That EIW absolutely is a judgmental, degrading voice, if we allow it. And, we DO allow it to chatter on and lies lies lies! Invite it to leave. Every time you hear it starting up, simply tell it that, “if it has nothing good to say…say nothing!” and disempower it. It is not your friend. Listen for the blessed silence. I am very guilty of list-making in my head. My lists take up a great deal of room and I take away space where the negative can speak. Do not let the voice(s) of anxiety doubt, fear, shame carry on. You have the power to banish those voices.
Once you begin disempowering your EIW, stop and s[pend some time thinking about the things you like about yourself. You may have to turn the volume of the EIW yelping as she realizes you are turning her volume down. We are taught not to be vain, not to brag, not to be ‘uppity’ so that trickled down to be “don’t think positively of self”. We NEED to admire ourselves. No one else’s idea about us matters. No one’s! We are more than housemaids, caretakers, child care worker, nurse, counselor, cook, chief, or candlestick makers. We are wayyyy more. At the end of today, list the many roles you have played today. What a gigantic force of energy we are.
About a month ago, ok, Thanksgiving Day when no one arrived for a well-planned thanksgiving dinner and I got not an apology, a RSVP nothing so IU cooked for ten. One begrudgingly gave up her big family party elsewhere to at least show up and tell us that the others were not coming. My EIW was having a heyday with that. I had to do something to hush my EIW. I said, aloud, “I AM A GOOD WOMAN!” Well, my EIW did not know what to do with that. (Note; Neither did The Bee Man who asked, “Why’d you say that?” I said, “Because I am!” To which he replied, “Who said you weren’t?” To check his disconcertion, I said, “No one. I just am!” So, for days he would say, out of the blue, “You are a good woman!” Bonus!!!
I found some “Queenliness” and not once did I let the negative sneak in to have me feeling bitter or miserable because of the dinner debacle. I was proud of myself that I had made a major change in my attitude in such a simple way. Just when I think I have myself figured out, and have a sense of dignity, a sense of (ok, I will type it), “goodness”, and a sense of being better than I thought I would be, out comes something from the depths of my soul trying to teach itself…a healing, of sorts.
We are Queens of our own life. We truly are. We have all the power Self would ever need. It is there. We were born with it. Own it!
©Carol Desjarlais 16.11.20
***inspired by Christy Sobolewski
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