Preciousness

"I learned that it is possible to look at a bleak past without reproach and at a joyless future without complaint.  And to do that without failing and without complaint is to keep one little part of oneself untouched and face it brave." - The Favored Child

Why do we//why, why, why do we nearly obsess over our past faults and frailties, as we perceive them?  Is it because we are choosing not to be happy, not to honor changes in ourselves, or attention seeking.  Sometimes I think we can muddle in the puddle of pity until we have muddled our present, like walking backwards on a downed tree over a deep chasm of coulee.  We are sure to experience fear, apprehension, lack of intuitive trust, and making sure we are not paying attention to the present so tomorrow we have another disappointment of Self.  

Since it is said that every time we recall an incident, our memory makes up a little more about it until it is magnified not extinguished.  Our memories are not factual;  they are doused with the disappointment of today at yesterday's self.  I try hard not to be THAT person of my past that disappointed Self, because I have to take note of the things in today to be positive about. We need to learn to leave well enough alone, and let the past be the past through self-control.

I think that part of why we focus on past frailties is because we are afraid to succeed in our today.  Every day is new.  Why do we drag a drab yesterday into this opportunity to begin again?  When we are bored, restless, it is because , perhaps, that we are not stimulating ourselves in some way.  We are so used to our own drama that we keep it alive because that is all we moved forward too... we deliberately bring up old 'stuff' because we are not setting out to make new.  

The more we focus on the past, we are becoming more and more memememememe-oriented.  Our focus should not be 'poor pitiful me' and more about finding ways to make a joyous life beginning each morning.  How we get to an evolving new self is to let go and stop flagellating self with perceived errors, failings, and old problems that are no longer real and relevant.  

Of course, we are no longer that person we were, we are no longer being judged by those same people who might have been involved, but we allow the lessons of the past to escape us because we are too focused on remembering what a piece of junk we think we are.

God does not make mistakes.  God does not make garbage.  Gather up your precious memories from the past, dwell in them.  Prove to y0urself that you are worthy, you are enough, and begin each morning with the thought that today is going to be worth being here.  We hold our own heart in our own hands.  Treat yourself with a preciousness you offer to no other living thing, place, thing.

A quick sketch and starting to block in color.

outlining with a brown watercolor pen and then a white acrylic pen

Sometimes a page just happens, as was this page.  It is simplistic, but it speaks to what I was thinking as per looking at Self as preciousness that we hand to others through love, compassion, and service.

©Carol Desjarlais 2.18.20