“I am convinced that most people do not grow up … We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.” — Letter to My Daughter, October 2009
We cannot let society define us. Every image we see is all about moisturized young women, with a sprinkling, of wealthy-enough -to- have-swarms of make-up artists, well=groomed photo shoots of older woman bold and brassy. We have no every-day older women to look up to, to emulate. And, few older women blog about the truths of aging (except the over hundred women who say they owe their longevity to drinking wine and avoiding men - btw, could be some truth to that. lol). I refuse to envy those women who can be in photo shoots, I cannot lie, but envy gets me nowhere.
I believe in miracles, but I do not have the wealth to work miracles, so I have to accept what state I am in. And, just because I can take the time to spend on makeup and hair and style does not mean that the moment I get home from wherever I did myself up for, does not mean I do not strip down and sag into my couch for a nap as soon as I get home. Sometimes, but rarely, I get up my get up and go and go for a walk around the block, then, come home and sag onto the couch because I am exhausted.
Every day, maybe ten times a day, I ask myself if _____really matters right now. And the old cliché that we can always see someone worse off is pure drivel. Sometimes where we are at, what crises we have, what detour we have to make, every pity party we are having, is important to US... it is not easy to get into your 70s and most find that it is painful to grow older, in every segment of our lives. If something is not important to our Present Moment, it does not matter. We learn to pick and chose our battles and battlefields. We have to enjoy the moment, or fall into a moment and a moment later, we brush ourselves off and get on with living, or dying, or whatever the case.
We do not have time to fuss over the past. It is gone, never to return so get over it and get on with it. It is a waste of time to fuss over someone who did you wrong, someone who broke a promise, someone who told a secret, and stay Present. If it is not happening right now, then it is not worth the effort you might spend on something more important in the moment. Find and make ways to be happy and refuse the negatives rather than depend on others to make you happy...they cannot...the only one who is in control of your happiness is you..no one but you.
Go through your 'stuff', what are you saving it for? If it is beautiful to you, share that beauty. Gift your 'preciouses' to those who will honor it later. Call them 'memory gifts' and then go visit wherever those precious things of yours now live. Bonus benefits.
Check your belongings for anything incriminating..lol.. we should not mull over what others think of us, but I am thinking we might have a secret or two tucked away and decide it is time to get rid of your evidence against you. LOL. Don't leave sad commentaries, notes, journals, diary entries that will make someone 'pay' later, or will smudge who you were to those who do not mater. If you could not share it in real lifetime, then do not leave it to be shared later.
Try to stay positive, even amidst negativity. You have precious time left (think 81 years of age as supposed lifetimes) and consider how many winters, how many springs, summers, or falls, do you have left? Get busy finding awesome things to imprint in your heart to take with you wherever you believe you go next. As for me, I am waiting for the Long Sleep. This makes every day special. All that will matter is that you loved, that, although life is mostly not fair, it was yours. Honor that.
While I was painting this piece, I wanted to get an airy sense and so, since the color challenge was GRAY, I moved into dry brushing to get the sense of a portrait of an older self-portrait. I , lightly, sketched a face and hair in white satin pencil then simply began dry brushing heavy in highlight areas and left dark where there was shadow.
I have done a close-up so you can see, more easily, how it looks up close.
Next, I sought my 'stash' for gray things.
I had made a dancing girl stamp out of craft foam and used that on the crown.
Then, I decided to use two Buddha faces over top of the stamp to add further meaning.
In the end, I love this piece. It was a quick one and yet feels good to my soul. I hope to continue dancing in peace the rest of my life.
©Carol Desjarlais 2.9.20
Well written , it's a wrap!.Some things are impossible to forget , the death of a living child , I know others grieving the same. So cruel. Many losses behind us, but memories alas are very present. Are we not made up of our past? Easy to say lets live for this day, lets move on, As a younger person the future was exciting to think of, to plan for. At this stage the future seems irrelevant . I am here today that is enough.
ReplyDeleteYes, here I am and I am here. Of course, we are made up of all our choices, but none can be changed, except knowing which choices we would not danged make again. Perhaps it is forgiving self for those choices, understanding we did what we did, made choices we made, because that is all we could do at the time. The maturity we have now counts for all the lessons we have learned. Yes, loss is horrible, but how we cling to the sadness instead of the joy that person gave us, only keeps us in misery. I had enough misery. I have to guard myself, of course, from making same old, same old, that only led me to more same old. The changes I make today are either important, or not; are either positive or negative in outcomes. I think we need to be more immediate, and stop in their tracks any negativity in our thoughts because that is a wasted few moments, time, that we could have found something more positive to look at. I have tomorrow, perhaps, and I plan to make that tomorrow as good as today, or better. I refuse to rot and stagnate. It is not in me. This is a hell of a ride and my train of thought discerns whether it was worth my time or not. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI laughed at "drinking wine and avoiding men" hahaahah. I spent most of my younger years working and bringing up my daughters.. I found working and all the work at home and keeping up socialising exhausting, there was precious little time for ME. Since I retired I've slowly adjusted to making ME a priority .. I still love and adore my family, my husband of 50 years (although, yes, he is a pain also) (LOL), but I give priority time to me and my art. Art is something I've always wanted to do and at last I can devote time and money on learning all I can and spend my days happily creating .. a small part of my mind warns me that things could change at any time ... life can get in the way and slap us around sometimes, but for now I've learned to take it one day at a time and do what I love and be grateful. I 'let go' of any past things that were hurtful or the mistakes that I made .. as these things rise back up, I deal with them and release them the best I can. I've learned to slow down, rest when I need to and even to meditate as a path to more inner peace. I love your blog Carol and it's lovely to have others of a similar age to relate to xxx
ReplyDeleteIt is lovely to have you all reply to the posts and show how you relate. Yes, I agree with you totally. Although, my meditation and reverence is found while I art. I used art as art therapy for my whole career and now I get to just do art for myself. It saves me, seriously...as does blogging as it helps me sort out my deepest thoughts.
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