" Cogito, ergo sum is a Latin
philosophical proposition by René Descartes usually translated into English as
"I think, therefore I am". The phrase
originally appeared in French as je pense, donc je suis in his Discourse on the
Method, so as to reach a wider audience than Latin would have allowed." - Wikipedia
To have a healthy body is one
thing, to have a healthy mind and heart (emotions) is another. If we do not consider life as we live it, we
will not present a positive attitude outwardly. We need to analyze what frightens
us, what we fear, what our faults are ( and how to modify ourselves to correct
them), and our needs and wants. We are not isolated in the world. There are always ways we influence even the
ether. (Remember the stone in a pond
story where a stone is cast into the pond and across the lake, the ripples will
touch a reed and it will move?) How can
the world change if we do not; how can the world become more loving, if we are
not; how can the Universe meet our needs when we send out negative signals;
unhealthy signals, non-positive signals?
Chute... we are responsible, we
are necessary, we are influencers, no matter how hard we try not to. Best we
learn to curb ourselves before we want justice, freedoms,
compassion,
forgiveness, if we cannot? Introspection
helps us find that place of healing needed.
And not, judgment or self-scripting (oh, my pitiful life, self...). It is very true that what we think exudes who
we are, right to the core of Self.
We are constantly taking in
messages, as soon as we see, hear, smell, feel, touch first thin in our
morning. We begin with making a decision
we might not even be aware of: This is
who I am going to be today, feel today...
we have already judged the day and ourselves, and off we go. At some point we need to examine the way we
think. At some point, we need to examine
why we think the way we do and how we invite things into our lives, not
realizing we meant to.
Why we need to be introspective is
because our habits, our mundane practices, our invitations go out and come back
in the form we invited rather than what we said we wanted. Life is crazy and sometimes my life has
really been crazy and sometimes I have sent out crazy invitations to Karma, to
destiny, to life, to people, places and things.
We do not have control over outcomes...yes, decisions, alternatives we
can deal with, but not always outcomes. And a life of roses is not promised
even the flower person. Life happens to
us and we happen to life.
All we can do is walk out our door
with a positive attitude that we are ready to face life as it comes. Here I am and I am here! Introspection helps us direct our energy into
healing and thus be something, someone, that the ether would love.
Look, there are lots of things to
fear. We all have them but some focus on
the fear rather than the adventure.
Failure is huge to us and our Ego hates failure. Sometimes the ego will tell us our failure
was the best we could do. Sometimes that
is true. We fear rejection, abandonment,
being judged, failing. And we have
Lizard Brain reason to fear these things, but our Lizard Brain has not been
updated for thousands of years. (Look up Lizard Brain if you do not know what
part of our actual brain this is.) We need
to think about what fears we have and why, look at the triggers for this fear,
and then soothe that scary place.
Otherwise, our Lizard brain thinks it has control and it will dream up
other excuses for us not to live our lives fully.
If we consider, deeply, what makes
us happy, what gives us joy, what fulfills us, what makes us feel empowered,
what makes us feel proud, we begin to understand the courage it takes for us to
continue to study our basic reactions and actions. The same for when we consider those things
that are toxic about us. We can figure
out why we get frustrated, how we act/react to frustrations. We can be desperate individuals in the
smallest of ways sometimes...sometimes in big ways.
Women are
born worriers, I think. We are the unequal
human 'beans' and our stalks grow short sometimes and bend under the weight of
societies we live in that do not respect us.
If we look, deeply, from time to time, we will understand what our
purpose in life is and what it will take to get there. Perhaps you are one drop of rain. Perhaps you are a torrential rain. Maybe you are drink for the thirsty. Maybe you are a cool breeze on a hot
day. Maybe you are that smile as you
pass by a stranger. Maybe , and most
likely, we affect people every day and had no idea. Our conscience makes us feel guilty over
trivial things or over past things you cannot possibly change. Worry and guilt stroll hand in hand through
our daily life and that is okay. It is
when we invite them in to live that we run into trouble. We can ask others for help figuring things
out, but it is not their soul and their purpose...it is yours and you are the
one who, after much introspection, will begin to make the decisions based out
of love for self and others, rather than for whatever worry you have about
such.
As I began this page, I drew with charcoal because I wanted some shadow depth that charcoal would give me.
I sealed it so it would not move and would show
through whatever came next.
While that was setting, I collected some red-based
collage potentials.
Once the background was done, I added a knitted
beret or something ( I do not know what it is, I just know it is and remains.)
I, then, began work on the flesh tones. I wanted a more Jamaican look of coffee toned
skin this time. Don't ask why. I am pretty sure I have no answer.
Once I got the dark ochre as a base, I could start
to lighten areas. Making the eyes more
permanent always helps me as I get stuck. At this point, I decided to leave the hair as
drawn.
At the end, I decided to use my pot pastel in flesh
and tap and smoothen layers for a smoother complexion. I used a brown watercolor pen to give shape
to the face, neck and shoulder. And
called it done. I love her.
Always, when I do a page, my mind is thinking and I
am, of course, introspective. Perhaps
that is my key tool for getting to the bottom of things. It is during the work that a blog post comes
into being. My art helps me be more
introspective and I am becoming more self-aware. It is uncomfortable to just let loose in my
everyday world, but my art...different story and I love the surprise
ending. Perhaps I control too much and I
keep something wonderfully unexpected something to happen in my life.
Perhaps I am too predictable as a
person. I know I get a great deal of
answers without really asking the question.
And questions? Oh, I already had
my answers before the question formed.
©Carol Desjarlais 2.25.20
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