“I found God in myself and I loved her fiercely.”
- from colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf (New York: MacMillan, 1976).
I became so dedicated to finding a Feminine Co--creator that I could see, know, feel and believe in because I grow up thinking what most called “God” was a masculine mean, terrible, no good, god who was out to get us. Seriously. I had to find a loving Mother figure. I tried simply Mary, but that did not hold water for me. It was not until I discovered information on the goddesses, when I went to university in 1984, that I began to find what brought me peace, hope, and a sense of compassion. I was 37 years feeling like God was against me, against us all, and a monster. I was terrified most of the time, anxious, and hyper active all those 3 decades of conscious memory. Once I let go of religious conditioning, and studied more and more about goddesses, I realized that there was a feminine divinity. Divinities, that corresponded with Creator (as I have blogged before, “Creator” came from 1984 as I settled into following the Good Red Road of First Nations’ spirituality. It is not a religion. It is a way of living.)
I struggled that earlier part of my life with being devalued, as most women were, and the overpowering attitudes of our masculine counterparts in a patriarchal society. We suffered and girls these days do not even have a glimmer of clue how hard it was to be female and conscious in North America. Many of us suffered at the hands of husbands who truly felt they “owned us” (“I paid for the marriage license…I own you!” seriously, this was said to me)..and as far as abusive relationships, many of us suffered it because we thought it was the lot of Eve and therefore ours.. and as far as that abuse, it was believed they could hit us with anything the size of their thumb and that was acceptable.) What a relief it was to reclaim knowledge of the divine Feminine. I understand who I was, who I am now, and I am grateful.
Knowing the ancient Grandmothers, Mothers, aunties, Sisters, we can know that Divine Feminine within us. It is part of our Celestial Divine DNA as we carry the Divine Mother within us as much as we carry the Divine Father. It becomes empowering. It becomes stabilizing. It is comfort and compassion in what can sometimes be a cruel world. There are bigger and better things for us to know, ion ways to live, in our purposes. You begin to feel “at home” with yourself. It as if one’s soul sighs.
We borrow from every culture when we study the goddesses and find ways to have them in our life. Each goddess has strengths, and, of course, weaknesses. There are ways to ceremony and there are rituals as you study and learn more and more about them. I am layering knowledge I have picked up since 1984. I have learned that religions borrowed or erased them from our knowledge, or tried too. Many of us are restoring Goddess Knowledge for ourselves, and, in that, we share with our sisters in hopes that they might be more affirmed, more comforted, more empowered.
As I age, I am more “Woke” (sorry to borrow what has been deemed a Caucasian word for awakening but it is a word that is beginning to show up more in more in all mediums). We think we can overcome so much, like death and aging, but the reality is that we are born and we have so many beats of our heart and we are done…or life can be taken in a moment by life itself. It is our brothers that wish to deny us these comforts such as goddesses, the most. From the beginning, men have been afraid of our Co-creators’ roles and that we could bleed and live. That power frightened them and eventually they obsessed and tried to conquer it. That we study and read of the goddesses now means that they did not win. And, we do not lose our spiritual energy as we age. It grows.
It is said that, if we go blind, our other senses wake up and become more alert. This is how our spirituality grows as we age. As our body cannot keep up as much, other segments of our Medicine Wheel life become stronger… physical disparities means that mind, heart and soul components grow. It is a given. It is up to us how soon we give up the beauty-worship-youth-worship of Patriarchy and come to our own. Knowing the goddesses helps us with that.
I challenge each of you, if you do not know the goddesses, to begin researching what goddess is yours to follow and to follow. Expose yourself to the many and consider how a goddess in your life might help you in any way. Do you feel like your spirit/soul is aligned with the way you believe and live your life? Do you feel uncared for, uncomforted, unfulfilled? Is there a reason why you would be against learning more about the compassion of goddesses? This is a great book to start with.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/174635.Goddesses_in_Everywoman
Are you naturally drawn to the comfort of earth, water, fire, air? Do you have a place or space that feels holy to you?
I promise you, knowing the Divine Feminine has changed my life, the way I live, the reasons I live. I wish you this. Why not try it?
©Carol Desjarlais 1.21.23
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