Self-Compassion

 

 

 

“Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.”  Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

 

We all have that critical voice within.  The way to quieten it is to be compassionate to self.  Sounds selfish, right?  Sounds like we are guilty of magnifying our own problems when the whole world is suffering, probably worse, right?  But you see, you are your own whole world.  Like grief, everyone goes through things differently, in one’s own time and space.  We each deal with things in our own unique ways.

A great way to begin having compassion for self is to practice being compassionate.  Drown out the critical voice by talking to yourself in positive ways.  Love your body, your mind, your heart, and your soul.

When I had my brain bleed, I had a life after death experience.  I know, it sounds iffy, but it was my experience.  I remember trying to ESP my family, my oldest son, to tell him if he left, I would die.  I was clinging to him as the doctor told them they should go home and if there was any change in me he would contact them.  My ESP did not work.  The doctor explained that I was in a coma, but, you see, I heard every word he said.  I told them later that I had.  Suddenly the room got very dark and I gave birth to msyelf.  Seriously, it was how it felt and I swooped and was conscious of being above my body.  I spent some time (although it felt timeless) looking at that body and thinking, “that poor woman…it is over now, bless her heart.”  At that I swooped somewhere else, beautiful and beyond language.  I had a sacred visitor and experience and then a choice.  I begged to be able to go back and raise my babies.  At that, I left that beautiful hum and sensations and re-entered my body as I came out.  But the pain was incredible in coming back.  Every cell in my body struck out at receiving the oxygen it needed and as that happened, I knew the pain of birthing from a child’s experience of being birthed.  What was important in all of those minutes was that it was as if I had been born again, and been forgiven for past decisions I had made that I should not have.  I left my regrets behind.  I knew to love my body, mind, heart and soul.  It changed me forever.

I learned to be kind to self, to discipline self, to have control, to be more positive towards self and others.  Did it make me ‘enough’?  It did.  Was I perfect?  Of course not.  I continued to make mistakes, but I learned to go to the triggers and solve the issue my psyche was hanging on to.  I loved myself into a better person, a service-oriented person, who knew, beyond religion, about connect with Creator and my own divinity as all women are. 

Look, we are not, any of us, perfect and who gets to define “perfect”?  We were commanded first to love and take care of each other and to take care of Mother Earth.  Yes, we suffer and we have “issues”, all of us do.  If we loved ourselves, can you imagine what a beautiful world this would be because, if we love ourselves, we automatically have the ability to truly and authentically love others.  If we are kind and caring towards self, we can be kind and caring, truly, right from our soul, others who need our true compassion.  Suffering of oneself is real and there is a need for us to heal ourselves.  We do this through loving our self enough to be able to love others who suffer in ways we may all suffer, but to be female and conscious in the World is to suffer what we might feel is small crises, but, you see, we all have our crises.  Life is hard down here on Mother Earth.  We should always respond to our own suffering and seeking comfort from those who are compassionate towards us and we reach out when we feel others suffer.  We must react the same for ourselves so we might become The Compassionate one enough to know how to reach out to others who suffer.   We are all imperfect.  To decry that we are so, is to tell the world you, of all people need the most.  We share life down here on Mother Earth.  Life is an experience that requires love for self, compassion for self.

I can truly say that you all matter to me.  And, to myself, as I wrote in my book, “I love you!  I forgive you.  I forgive myself for being human.  I love myself!”  Tell me you love yourself too!

©Carol Desjarlais 6.29.21