“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” ― Peter Pan
Self confidence is something about FAITH in Self. It is rooted in our emotional quadrant of the Medicine Wheel. Too much self-confidence is narcissism. Too little self-confidence means you are anxiety-ridden and a depressed person. Somewhere in the middle is where we want to be. It is knowing we are worthy; we are enough, we matter.
Self-confidence is about our attitude towards self. There is trust involved and if you lack self-confidence, you lack trust in self (something to do with your past experiences). Someone with low self-confidence means that person does not feel they have control of their own life. Expectations of someone with low self-esteem are low, of course and so that person can not deal with criticism. I am pretty sure this is me. I really raise my hackles when someone criticizes me. My firtst thought is “who do they think they are? They better be perfect!” I have a sense of justice in that no one has the right to tell me how to feel, how to act, how to believe, etc. I have strong boundaries around that all. And, yes, it has to mean that I have low self-esteem or I would not feel that criticism is a call to battle. IO either withdraw quietly or I put on my red bandana and go to war. I work hard on finding that middle ground where I examine what someone says, that is critical, and deal with it, personally.
Stop for a moment and write a list of things you have accomplished. If it was anyone else in the world, but ourselves, we would be that person’s cheer leader. We would praise, try to put them on a pedestal, and would be amazed at how wonderful they have done/are. But, ourselves? Nary a shout out! We see every tiny flaw, every little mistake, every little in authenticity.
What are good at? What has surprised us that we knew how to do? What are those moments where you felt on top of the world? We cannot deny it. We have been blessed, grateful, and worthy.
Self-confidence is more than what successes have happened in our life. It is about how you have worked to stay positive even when things were tough. Those with low self-confidence are, typically, perfectionists even though we would deny it. “No! No! I can’t do anything right!” We say these enough times and we come to believe it. It matters that we believe in ourselves. There is no such thing as perfect, and who gets to define it? Us? Yes, those with low self-esteem are the judge and jury of everything we do. If we choose to be negative, we can be negative. If we choose to be positive, we can be positive. It is a cop-out to say we cannot do things ‘right’, ‘well’, ‘good enough’. It means that we do not have to do things that might take risk, trust, work.
We have to do things that make us feel uncomfortable. It is how things get done. It means jumping in the deep end. It means giving it the old ‘\heave ho’. It means trying. It means overriding what we have trained ourselves to think of ourselves and our abilities and just dang well do your best. Yes, our BEST. The more we jump in, the easier it gets to jump in. Yes, it is the dep end. But we have to know, to explore, to just do it and then paddle like hell for the shore and save ourselves, sometimes.
It is so easy to keep out of the water. We can sit on the sidelines and watch others find joy in the leap and more joy at reaching shore to turn and do it again. Set some goals. Do some self-talk and gather up your courage to do more than what you dang Evil Inner Witch wants you to. You are in complete control. No one can control you that you do not allow that control. Gird up, sisters. We are worthy. We are capable of more than we could dream of. Don’t take the easy way out. We deserve better. Who knows what your future holds.
©Carol Desjarlais 6.30.21
