Slow Down

 

 

 

We are mucking through, the best we can, these months and years.  Once I was so goal oriented.  Now, who cares if I even have a goal.  I have pared down my “to do list” to, now, look like “I Might List”. 

These couple of years have been a psychological press to do less, to slow down, (age makes me slow down as well, since a pirouette doing my dust-mopping can throw me to the floor), and I am settling in to being more present.  It doesn’t mean that The Present, is a wonderful space to be in, but at least it is real.  I am being Present in being grateful for all the little things and not sweating over the big ones. 

I have slowed down because I am trying to fill time and if I get it done too fast, then I start wringing my hands with “what to do, what to do, I don’t wanna do that, what to do?”  I am going outside, even in our cold snap and snow snow snowy gray days ad finding something to enjoy.  Have you ever listened to the snow fall?  I had never.  I have now. 

It was progressive.  I have been such a go go go girl that it has taken these two years to get to this.  I now rest from 1 – 2pm because that is when I wear down.  I will sit and art or do diamond painting work, or read, or even nap.  Oh, I have learned to love naps, but I find they are addictive because my muscle memory is “nap at 1 o’clock’ and even if I need to do something, I cannot drag myself to do it.  I rest. 

I was always focused on doing, going, hurrying, excelling, failing, getting up and doing it again another way, kind of person.  I forgot to just BE.  I have learned to be more patient with myself, to be more compassionate and loving towards myself.  At first, I had to think. Consciously, about slowing down and being Present.  These last couple of years has afforded me time to learn to do that.  I am an unfinished project, myself.  Ah, yes, slowing down feels so awesome... in fact, it was a foreign to me before.  Now, I luxuriate in it.

©Carol Desjarlais 1.22.22

When I thought about the theme, I realized that I have made a habit of lying down on the couch and letting my little dog cuddle up…her favorite place to be.  And, then, we have a talk about the world.  She talks back, by the way, and what she has to say, I quite agree with.  The conversation can go on for several minutes until she or I get droopy eyed.  She has lots to say.  She is a huge part of my slopwing down as we talk.   So, with this in mind, I begin a drawing…

Pastel chalk pencils