“But I can hardly sit still. I keep fidgeting, crossing one leg and then the other. I feel like I could throw off sparks, or break a window--maybe rearrange all the furniture.” ― Where I'm Calling From
It seems, suddenly, like everything, everyone, every place just simply pisses you off. Yes, “pisses you off”. It cannot be described else. You are seriously irritable, you blurt out negative things, you can clearly name ‘everydamnedthing’ that has ever happened in your life. You are grumpy and annoyed. And, ‘it is everyone else’s fault…it is life’s fault... if only ….” You are irritable, know you are irritable, feel like you are irritable and, maybe, you even feel mean-spirited. Bless you if you can verbalize it and warn others off. LOL. But, most of us cannot and it can cause some major issues beyond just the moments of irritability. Denying you are feeling PO’d only makes it worse, makes it linger, and it can become “grumpy old people’ stigmas surrounding you. You have no patience. These feelings belong to anxiety. These feelings pump up stress hormones because the body sense it is fight or flight.
Some days I am annoyed at someone else’s chewing at the dinner table. Sometimes, when I am standing in the long line at Wally World, someone has their partner run get another couple of things and hold up the line: Annoys me. Annoys me that people do not follow the arrows. Annoys me that I drop things or stumble over things. Patience is thin, I tell you…patience is thin. Sometimes I do not even know why I feel beotchy.
When we feel like this, we put out negativity into the ether around us. Masks do not hide it. Masks do not hold it. It is like dark clouds hanging over our heads. When someone with sunshine over their heads collide with dark clouds of someone else’s, it dampens and seeps over the other person’s sunny day. Time to acknowledge your authentic feelings, to figure out why the emotional atmospheric change. Irritability and annoyance are anxiety.
Our inner voice bombards us with negativity and we become anxious and that anxiety is allowed to be fed by ourselves. We buy into negativity. Negativity begets more anxiety, more annoyance, more negative thoughts. It is a vicious cycle if we let it be.
Of course, there are things that ought to make us angry, annoyed, disappointed, sad and anxious. Life can encourage such. Anxiety puts our Lizard brain in immediate fight or flight. How we have learned to temper ( pun intended) our projection of such is how well we manage such things. Even when you are on an ’anxious high’ and you are getting ‘stuff’ done, people can bother you. I have to wait for the Bee Man to go out, or go to his lounge chair to watch tv before I can mop the kitchen floors (damned dog brings in juniper spills and muddy snowy feet every time she goes out and the Bee Man has a hard time taking his shoes off and on when he goes out to put pellets in the pellet furnace outside). I am a ‘in my head’ planner (they say ADHD and a bit of OCD, go figure). When something stops that list of things to do in my head, it irritates me. And, we are waiting for an electrician to fix our burner rings thingies on the glass top stove. And I am trying to live on diabetic meal plans…and on and on it goes. Things distract me. I work hard to move from activity to activity to keep myself from falling in to procrastinating and to find some peace in things I mean to be done (from my list, of course). Sometimes, it is hard to be positive and the struggle is real.
We cannot expect that others will ‘get it’. We may feel like the raincloud over our head is only seeming to follow us. We may even resent others telling us we should get it. Once we are in that negative storm, it as if the dam breaks and every danged negative thing of your whole life comes flooding through. When one is anxious, we expound our ability to see and feel negative things. We have to remember we are angry AT THE STRESS, no people, places, things. And, we have to fight not to allow it to keep us feeling irritated.
We have to work not to keep the anxiety inside, but neither can we project it out onto poor people who happen to be in the mix. It is why I move from one activity to another. The moment I feel the irritability and feel my Ego/Evil Inner Beotch starting to appear, I change activities. I might mention, in a text or call, to someone, that I am feeling negative and, so often, that person might acknowledge she/he is too. My Ego EIW feels acknowledged and I am off on a negative run… if I let it. I usually try to block it with some humor. Humor helps everything. I can laugh at myself and that switches the trigger. Another thing I do is sit myself in the corner on a chair, face pressed against the wall, symbolically, and give myself a good talking too.
I check to make sure I am not ‘hangry’…being diabetic, there is a fine balance there and I cannot find my comfort food on the ‘allowed foods’. I keep some protein items on hand that I can eat to balance things off a bit. I consider The Source. And, The Source is NOT something external. It is internal. Contemplating The Source means I work on my inner self, find some facts, and add some self-care into it all.
We are not always a person who is angry, who is edgy, who is unfriendly. In fact, I am typically the exact opposite, so when that ‘other’ seeps in, it sets my thinking and feelings ajar. I own my emotions, no one, nothing, else does. I am responsible for my own emotional maturity. I feel so guilty when I bark back, snap, criticize others around me. This adds to my inner anger at self and that anger bleeds into negative thinking pools of thought.
So here are some things I do to try to alleviate my anxiety:
As I said, I acknowledge how I am feeling, then I figure out the source…the REAL source. I understand that it might be some small thing that triggered it all, and that it does not even matter any more. If I look at the larger picture of things, this momentary irritability does not even matter. Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.
I find that negativity ups my nervous energy. Have you seen knee-bouncers, finger tappers, whistlers? Yeah, I am all of those. And, I have a horrible time trying to convince myself to go for a walk, but I have to when the anxiety comes. I used to walk in circles getting my proverbial ‘chite’ together. Now it is a personal struggle to go out and around the subdivision. But, I can go shopping at a big box store and walk the whole outside and through every aisle. Lol... I count this. I do everything I can to get rid of nervous energy that can play havoc with my feet and entire body. I can clean house like a whirling dervish... ok, I used to, but, since covid, I am getting lazier and lazier. Outside is not enjoyable because of the rain and snow we have had. I have all the excuses in the world, but I, also, find alternatives. I sweep/scrape the whole patio (about 14 x 16’). I mope floors. Then I nap. Lol. I lose energy quickly at my new age and new conditions.
I, as well, made sure I had a quiet time space and place, in the house. I bought a huge diamond painting to do and it takes up hours without me hardly noticing that there is life going on around me.
Most of all, I try to remember that getting rid of anxiety, irritably, etc, is a gift I give myself. I praise myself. I try to be more compassionate with self. I rein in my reactive projections towards other, places, things. I trick myself into thinking that there will be something bigger to deal with so save my frustrations for those things. I stick to the facts, ma’am, I do.
What do you do to alleviate anxiety in its many forms?
©Carol Desjarlais 11.28.21
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