How to Deal With Negative Nancys

 

 

 

“Negative people exist on reactions from others. It is their fuel to survive. Do not give into the temptation to respond. It is not your responsibility to keep their tank full and yours empty.”
― Christine Szymanski

‘Negative Nancys’ are a derogatory term for person(s) who are considered excessively and disagreeably negative and go out of their way to be controversial.  Their purpose is to have their own kind of control over events, push conspiracy theories, and/or are simply nasty in negative comments, one after the other.  They, actually, live a very fear-based life and they tend to try to manipulate others into considering/ believing as they do.  They are tough to deal with.

A friend of the family was/is anti-vax and she has progressed into thinking she is allergic to the vaccine, to she actually believes their will be holocaust type camps where they will put the anti-vaxed. Another believes every danged conspiracy theory ever perpetrated (even old ones) and goes against the grain of everything, including that the government is making these fires and floods happen due to weather control.  I am not sure either began believing their ideas, but both are adamant that they believe this kind of stuff and rain on every parade they can reply to.  There are reasons they are negative but there are reasons why they bother us.

They have hurtful qualities.  I think it seems almost episodic for them.  It is not an excuse no matter how much we care for them.  We become aware of their patterns and how they challenge us.  They are difficult people and hard to be around so we tend to, and should, withdraw from them when they start ‘band-standing’ their oppositional ideologies. We often give them the benefit of doubt and yet, must not because they are manipulating for their own (not so hidden) agendas. Did I say “shite-disturbers’?

Their conversations/texts/posts are always them dumping emotional baggage on you and could care less if you are weighed down by their negativities.  When you need the most support or hope, they will dampen that with a slammed down comment(s).  Those comments are typically way out in left field and they are destructive to others who might be clinging on to some last hopes.  I am sure you have run into this type of people and are becoming awakened to how they are ‘Debbie Downers’. 

Often we have a history with these kind of people because we tend to trust and forgive easily.   We tend to have a false faith in them, that they would not do us wrong…but, they cannot help themselves and we allow them to take advantage of us.

They tend to be fault-finders, and, of course, that is merely their way of putting others down to where they feel about themselves.  Trying to help them can cause us to be worn down and as discouraged as they are.

At some point we have to withdraw from them as much as possible.  It does not mean forever, it just means, when they are going through an ‘episode’ of negativity and ‘glass half full’ projections, we withdraw from them.  If they mean a lot to us, we can check in later.  As we get to become aware of what they are doing, what we are allowing them to do to us, we have to understand that they are chronic complainers and their purpose is to drain you of what they least want you to be…peaceful, happy, comfortable, etc. 

To try to correct them is futile and not your job.  Let go and let the Higher Power finish with them.  If they are someone you simply cannot give up on, wait them out and find ways to embrace them by understanding how hurt/fearful they are.  Remember, we only feel what we want to feel.  Their feelings belong to them. 

Do not take their bait.  Let them know how much you are trying to stay positive in difficult times.  Allow them their feelings but hang on, dearly, to your own.  See how much of what they think might be something you are trying to stuff of your own.  You could try to mention something about them that you like, a memory, and shared laughter you have had... turn the topic. 

We can not always completely sever cords to those who are Negative Nancys.  But neither do we allow them to bring us down.  Do not add anything for them to stir the pot with.  Simply say, “I am sorry you feel that way.”  That, typically, will stop them in their tracks as they pause to sort out what that might mean. 

If you ever find me being a Negative Nancy, and I seem not aware of it, please, let me know.  That is not something I want to be nor do I want others to feel like I am that kind of person.  Remember, hurt people hurt people. xoxo

©Carol Desjarlais 11.29.21