Know what triggers you. Do not obsess over being triggered but figure out what it is that IS the trigger, itself. I have them. There are probably few that do not.
A crocheted blanket of my mother’s still immediately brings up memories of her. I had my father’s ‘little green sweater’ for the longest time, but moths got to it at some point early on and it is gone, but it used to trigger the most lovely of memories. And, of course, I have a few negative reflexes that are leftovers that were embedded deep.
One, for instance is that I am uncomfortable with shutting the door to the bathroom. Small space without doors. I am an ‘EXIT’ checker in crowds that are in a big room. That has never gone away. We get OVER stuff. We control what a bit of left-overs are left in us, by learning to control their emotional response in us as soon as we feel it because we have already named it.
When a trigger goes off, start repeating to yours: “I will get through this…this too shall pass…!” Say it over and over until some sense of control happens.
Take care of yourself, look (in person or online) for someone who is comforting to be around. Tell that person what you are feeling and allow them to help you sort the immediate reaction through. Learn how to support yourself through a trigger.
When a long-term trigger goes off and you cannot seem to function, take a shower, eat a meal, get dressed, take a walk. Stay absolutely present in your environment.
Be patient with yourself. You know exactly what you need to be present and know how to maintain being present. Write down ways that you know will get you through it. Do not let it control you. You control you.
Find someone you can talk to, over the phone or zoom, or facetime, or however you can, to get some gentle ‘friendshipping’ before you go to bed.
Find your personal rhythm, after it all is said and done. Get into a routine; keep to a schedule, keep a journal, write everything down in a scribbler where you can tear out pages so that your Ego thinks that you can get rid of it later; you are more apt to write truths/reality, when your Ego thinks you have not made it permanent.
And cry. Anyone who has been treated so would weep buckets. Cry because you allowed that danged EIW treat you so. Cry, then dry your eyes, and get mad. Say you are tired of it and you are not going to put up with it any more. (Wasn’t that a line from some movie?)
Remember, being triggered makes you tender. Forgive yourself. Be loving and kind to yourself. The best medicine is an open heart. At some point we ‘left the building’ and this is not us. Be patient since it took some time to begin to feel these ways and to change them will not happen in a moment or two. Remember it is the journey that is the learning.
Sometimes it will feel like you are a rudderless ship in a Nor’Easter. Look it up. A Nor’Easter is one storm every sailor in the Atlantic fears. Know that emotions will come in freak waves. Know that there is no rule about how trauma will affect you nor how long, nor even the intensity and how intense it is for you. This is you. You own your feelings. Your feelings do not own you. Remember: A wave comes and goes. As long as you are bobbing along afterwards, that is what counts. Forgive yourself your bit of humanity and your human reactions to trauma… this is a brand new you in a brand-new sea. Sail on! Sail on, sweet sisterfriends. Sail on! There is a safe harbor but a few oar-pulls away. Do not let your negative self-talk keep you going down for the count.
Grab the rudder, take your finger off the trigger. I love you! You matter!
©Carol Desjarlais 11.23.21
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