Old and Told

 

 

 

We are attracted to old things.  Some pay big money for old things.  We revere old things.  But there is a change in the way we adore old women.

 

Once we could not wait to be 14 years old and get our learner’s, then 16 to get our drivers and to be at the age to start dating.  Then we are in a rush to either go get into a University or get married.  Seemed like there were not a lot of choices back when I was that age.  I think the next age I was in a hurry for was the ending of menopause. Then it was 65 and pension.  Suddenly reality sunk in.  I am over 70 and it gives me pause when I think of it.  Once I was a loping teenager.  Now I am a moping Senior (it hurts, don’t let anyone tell you any different). 

 

We all have our concerns through the ages.  Once I wondered if I would ever get boobs.  Now I wonder if I will get Alzheimer’s.  I have noticed some pluses though.  Now I regret things less.  I have finally accepted that it was what it was and I did the best I knew how at the time.  Period.  I refuse stress.  If it is stressful, I am not being around it, with it, affected because of it.  I walk away more easily than I ever did, but this time for the right reasons.    I regulate my emotions more than I ever did.  Once they used to rule me.  My values have changed.  I accept things more, including my body.    I am finding restrictions difficult as I am finally okay with doing things alone if I want to rather than have to be with a herd. 

 

My eyesight is awful and heavily corrected, I take Senacot S daily, I take heart pills, feet pills, you name the body part and there is something for it.  I wear a middle medication level nitro patch daily.  Yup...  No time for false eyelashes and daily poof on roof.  I am busy applying things that are lifesaving. 

 

Things that concern the world dim as I am forced, by body, mind, heart and spirit, to focus in on the Present.  A sharp pain in the heart can do such.  We, who are aging, have necessity to monitor our activities and how our body, mind, heart and soul react to certain activities, certain brain functions, certain feelings that can swoop and sail, certain things of the soul.  We are preparing for the next stage in life, not some dim, unforeseeable future, as much as we once did. 

 

For those who can march for beliefs, bang the drum, stand on the bandwagon, rally around things they find important, let them do it.  For those who can not, this has to be a guilt free, shame free, zone of knowing what we can and cannot do.  Be patient with us.  We are struggling with daily things, here. 

 

We are old and told.

 

©Carol Desjarlais 3.9.21