Women have, historically, led passive roles in society, in family, in marriage. We were meant to be on the pedestal of moral purity, guide our homes through comfort and quiet, to cherish and nurture children and husband, to protect against outside immoralities, drugs, alcohol, impoverished living, at behest of being exactly what we were told we should be: sweet and peaceful and loving, and complete submissiveness to the males in the household. That no longer counts as expected or supported roles we play any more. Equal Rights have been fought and nearly won over…nearly. There are still a great many who have backwater understandings of what equality means.
We were taught that cleanliness was next to godliness, taught how to plant, harvest and store food, how to keep house, how to clean, how to organize every breathing moment of everyone in the house, but ourselves. We were taught that it was our Nature and God said so. We were told and trained to have Monday be laundry day, Tuesday was ironing and mending, Wednesday was baking, Thursday was cleaning certain rooms in the house, Friday was cleaning other rooms in the house, Saturday was baking, Sunday was everyone’s day of rest but ours as a big Sunday dinner was expected. We were taught we must make sure meals were appetizing and ready exactly on time. Our mothers, in the 1900s had to set the fires, haul water, do seasonal inside work and outside work, and feed the small animals on a farm, care and milk the cows, and often help out in the fields.
But then things began changing. Women could not physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually do it all and sustain the Victorian type, Protestant, work ethics. Men went to war and women were required to take over the men’s work in home fields, in home, and in business (typical men’s work in construction, etc.). In the work force, women saw more opportunities and began to question their set-societal roles.
Suddenly and quickly, roles began to change, then the men came home, in the 50s women were relegated back through even media blitz that attempted to end women back to barefoot, pregnant and breakfast. But silence was not as golden any more. Women began to speak out, if they dared take on the contempt of societal patriarchy that rather liked the old way. But brave new women arose and began to shout about equality. Then the 60s came and many women dropped their movements for equality and began the free love dove life where they had no societal impact except to cause, sometimes, more problems than fixers. Suddenly they wanted nothing to tie them down and wanted freedom from everything. There rose, though, the cream of the crop, as far as women’s movement and we moved from another gray area into staccato-heeled progress into the upper echelons of men’s world. It would take a long time for the exposed nerves to settle into a more balanced life for women. (These are my experiences, not everyone’s). And, as men do, when women become challengers, there came to be more overt challenges towards what women wanted and what they were willing to allow us to have. We still struggle with today as we see so many young women give up on any challenges and still timidly try to take a stand but back down without support. There was a Brittany Spears special that showed how she reacted, at the age of ten, when a very self-important actor/talk show person (Ed McMann) tried to sexualize her looks rather than her talents. We can raise strong, confident, girls, but the stronger they become, the more masculine pressure they experience. My teenaged daughter was called “Aggressive” by a teacher and, upon a meeting with the Principal and teacher, they came to know that they should have said “Assertive” about a teacher caressing her neck in class. Ewwww... With us, in the meeting, he was chastised, but after we left, perhaps the Principal (male) adjusted his tenor. You know how the boy’s club works. But my daughter was empowered by support. I think what is missing with our young women now is support for standing up for themselves and others.
We, as adults, still find a great deal of competition within women’s groups. Have we switched roles so badly? It is often said it is too difficult to work for a female boss. I know that sometimes this is true. Quiet feminine challenging and conflicts have become more masculine in the negative energy within competitive people.
But we can not stop trying. We have to dare to be in a win-win situation. We have to stop all the shaming, all the snide remarks that come our way and bite our own tongue if we are tempted to throw in a cutting remark. We need to dare to refuse these words about, too, or even from each other …
http://sacraparental.com/2016/05/14/everyday-misogyny-122-subtly-sexist-words-women/
©Carol Desjarlais 3.9.21
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