I am wondering if the lack of frantic readying for Christmas and visitors is going to affect one’s Post-Christmas letdown. Christmas Eve is typically a quieter evening than usual. Christmas Day was like only a couple I have experienced before – the being alone and way up in the North and unable to fly out due to the cold and planes unable to fly, or no way out of a community, etc. We are restricted and many restrictions changed even the way of preparing for Christmas. Christmas morning was painful with no one to wake up and to watch their joy Christmas night was a letdown as I am not be my usual exhausted. Boxing day will just be another day like the days before, weeks before, months before.
I have always loved celebrations and the joy attached to it all. I have tried. I put up outside lights, did my Christmas gnome, decorated, minimally, in the house just because. That one or two presents under the tree simply depressed me. But, I did get to order some art supplies and a couple of new art tools. I bought myself a couple of leggings and a woodburning set with comfort and inspiration awaiting. I really am feeling too melancholy to enjoy much of it. I spent a month making blankets for the great grandbabies. I spent one hour Christmas shopping. Suddenly the let down is here as all those are done and now what?
I know what is missing: It is the Spirit of Christmas. It was the spirit that was not here. I could not get interested in watching Christmas movies following Christmas Day. In fact, I only watched one and only part of that. The void is huge.
I made cookies and candies and made sure I had mandarin oranges and had oyster stew for Christmas Eve. It did not have me feel close to anyone. It was all so routine. It was all so quiet. I have no Christmas memories for this year. I was expecting this ow, affirmed that my feelings were such. I have projects to do (new projects) but the drive is not there just yet.
It is difficult to look forward to much as we know this virus is going to be around for a long time yet. A person can only get so much rest and relaxation before one begins to feel stagnant. I am trying to be gentle with self and feel my authentic feelings. It has been a real hit to the psyche to not have excitement be a part of the holidays.
As the New Year prepares to kick in, I have planned a few things to do, to read, to start. They are pretty watered down in looking forward to. My only antidote is my art. I have to dive in, deeper and deeper to get some comfort , peace, and fulfillment.
No boxes here to discard, to find use for. Taking down decorations will be like removing a funeral shroud, I fear. How is Boxing day going for you?
©Carol Desjarlais 26.12.20
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