We all need at least one person we can have as a special friend that we have built up trust with that we can be sure will tell us our truths. This kind of friend is a friend who you share your difficult days and your divine moments with. It is important to cultivate these kinds of friendships because life IS going to get hard sometimes and you need that arm to brace yourself with. And, just as important, we need someone to give to.
Choose wisely. I got burned, but I deserved being burned, because I trusted someone who was, for years, a burden to me. It was all take take take and little give give give. When I withdrew from her chaotic, drama-filled life, it caused no end of trouble and heartache for me. I was used up and drained dry and enmeshed. You do not want this kind of friend. They know your vulnerabilities and will turn them against you. They know your secrets and will share them. When developing friendships, be wise, set your personal boundaries and keep them. You do not want a person who is the type of friend who goes phishing, indeed. I allowed the burdening. I learned a good lesson.
We need someone who takes and gives courage when courage is needed. And, yes, there will be those times. We need at least one who will be supportive and call us on our proverbial chite, but lovingly so. That kind of friend will push you to do better when you are not. That kind of friend is one who teaches us how to be that kind of friend, ourselves. Friendships that are special are not hard work. There should be no jealousy, no competition, and not another critical voice. Yes, we might get cranky, but we should both be adult enough to contain our crank. Both should be quick to apologize. You should never have to defend yourself with a special friend.
We are made to need each other. Women gathered together around campfires from the beginnings. Wee invest time for each other. We keep track of each other. We should know each other well enough to be aware of gestures and nuances. Friends are not there to fill our loneliness, our needs, our wants, our miseries. They are there for when we are doing the best we can and need a cheerleader. Regular visiting, however we can visit, helps to nurture and develop such friendships. During this new way of living, I have noticed I do not talk, sometimes all day, I have not uttered a word. Then, when I realize that, I turn and say something inane to my Bee Man, for I am sure he misses even our talks. I text or call my friend every day and either she instigates the flood of talk or I do.
We talk about everything from COVID-19 to our dogs’ antics, to our worry about our family of friends. We talk about ways to have hope. She is not an artist so we do not talk about that. Our friendship is separate from my arting and I focus in on her 96-year-old mother’s safety and health in her assisted living.
Oh, we solve the world’s problems in one chat. We have increased our ability to get together because she and her renter are in our bubble of two. None of us goes anywhere or does anything risky so we talk about store sales, how to get the most out of only going to one place instead of a bunch of places to shop, We divert each other’s attention from fearful, discouraging, things. We encourage each other in joy, in laughter, in keeping it light. That kind of friend is one who will never betray you because you have not shard too much, to make yourself vulnerable to that. Yes, we share our ‘girl secrets’ but nothing too deep or dramatic. I am grateful for my Soul friend.
©Carol Desjarlais 6.12.20
***The art piece is done on a piece of barnwood.
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