I have no fear. I am simply trying to follow rules as closely as possible to keep ourselves safe. But, as restrictions get tighter, I am noticing I am almost numb. I have things I can do to keep myself busy, but with the holiday coming up, there is no joy. Where do we get joy? Being cautious is not based on fear, in my case. We are not powerless. We are simply bracing for “What next?”
Year 2020 will go down in infamy. Some people will as well. There are moments of dread, which is not fear, it is a belief in the worst that might happen next. Fear would only lead to panic and I, for one, am not panicked. “It is what it is” is my new motto which needs nothing but decisions according to that motto.
No one is in charge of this pandemic. It is its own monster. We do ourselves no favors by following along with conspiracy theories… they are nothing but drivers of fear and uncertainty. We simply have to keep aware of numbers around us. We are not meant to call in and report, for goodness sakes, or judge or chastise. We need to learn to mind our own ‘business’ and our business is to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe without ire or blame or self-righteousness. Stress weakens us. Our weaknesses make us easier victims to covid.
We can only control what we can control. Worrying is stress. Surrender to the NOT knowing and simply do what you need to do to stay safe. Do anything healthy you can do to keep yourself busy. Rest. Take naps. Now more than ever naps are given a royal go. Stay away from being contacted by, or contacting, those you know who are negative. I saw an app for emotional support, for free. It might pay to try that out when you feel overwhelmed. https://www.7cups.com/
Now is the time to nurture your spirit/soul. Do things that make you happy. For me, it is being productive, so I had the forethought to plan ahead some projects and have collected what I need to make them. One should keep a scheduled life, as well, even though you might add that ‘nap’ to it. I tend to be moving throughout the house dong a bit of what I can do when I can do it. Of course, I have my early morning art time. Then, I tend to plan dinner and get things ready, then I do odd bits of housekeeping (not the whole elephant in one bite). I spend time on a current alternative project. I read. I blog ahead. I nap. I shut things down by 6 pm and will watch some television with The Bee Man. My biggest problem now is (think ‘nap’) is that my sleep patterns are off. How many of you noticed I blog right after midnight, or post somewhere around the strike of 3 am until 5 am? My sleep is not sustained. It is broken up into its own schedules. I am having trouble reading because I have had need of new glasses since summer and things got harder to get done, like getting into covid-scheduling appointments. I plan one day a week to get milk and the fresh things that I need and try to do all I have to do in one store. I go outside and spend time with my resident sparrow that now lets me be closer to it while it feeds at m homemade feeder. I go out at night for a time to watch the wind move the trees close by the house (and I do this during the day, as well, because those 60 foot trees belonging to the neighbor, happen to border our back yard and the cedars dance like dervishes and like waves of ocean.
I have been wearing my phone for the “step counter” in the house. I cannot even get close to ten thousand, but at least it gives me something else to think about. Good hard housecleaning is about the only real exercise I get. I am getting better at taking my medications at the right times of the day, rather than totally forget them. I refuse to use unhealthy substitutes for medications. I spend time contacting family and friends by text or phone. Pushing away fear is the best choice and so I learn something new. I do something new. I reward myself with a cup of chai…and, dangit, I was cooking, baking, and packing on dinner plates, so all my losses could very well become gains.
Someone said that what the experts say we are going to see at the end of this is permanent cases of anxiety, perhaps depression, and obesity. It makes sense. We are trying to comfort ourselves midst all the uncertainty.
I wish you safe and keeping your loved ones and others safe! We just do not know.
©Carol Desjarlais 12.12.20
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