“Somehow, we'll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are.”
― The Hero of Ages
When we need more than we have, it can lead to honing in on what need is. For emotional health, I believe, we need to feel safe, to feel loved, and that we need to be needed. When any one of these things feels like a risk or is at risk, we invite fear in. Knowing and expressing our needs comes AFTER we define what the key to our need is.
Our Present changes every second as do our needs. We, as we age, redefine our needs, again and again, as it applies. Loss is huge and a huge issue for us as we age. There are losses physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Our emotional well-being depends on us looking to find ways to fulfill our own needs without shutting ourselves off from anyone who might help us.
When we are young, we know we depend on mother, father, aunties, to give us lvoe, kiss our hurt places, brace our backs, give us reason for being. As we age, we learn that we have to solve problems in these areas ourselves. Emotional self-reliance comes when we learn not to expect others to continue what ur parents did, or did not. Some of us look for a man to hook on to to solve our problems and that does not always work either. We can spend too many times seeking, not finding, and dumping because we are never satisfied because we are continuing to look outside ourselves for fulfillment. One of things I detest most about myself is being too self-reliant sometimes. I have learned it is me against Life and God and it is also a rough place to be.
It is tough for others to deal with our neediness, but it is even tougher holding it inside so we do not burden others. I cannot afford to let my spirit be low, be resentful, be unhappy, because life is hard right now. I have to quietly build myself up so I do not have to feel needy. I have to quietly withdraw in many ways so as not to have others try to fix it. I have to fix this myself. It is no one else's job to fix me.
Withdrawing has always been a way for me, like a wounded wolf, to crawl off away from people, places and things and try to sort my problems out myself. Doing art is a really self-absorbing thing for me to do as it takes me to another place as I allow Muse to inspire. When I am in this space I am in, I feel restless but with an apathy towards doing anything with anyone.
I am not a sad person. I am usually happy and energetic and my restlessness goes into cleaning, baking, doing, going. As I age, I can no longer walk in circles, and many other things I used to distract myself with. I have learned to sit with the feelings and sort them out so I can at least have a handle on things.
Creating my own ways to feeling peace, well-being, and happiness is totally my inner soul job. Emotional balance always comes back into being. I just have needed to honor the feelings I was feeling. I refused to let my mind 'catastrophize' anything that is happening. Feeling desperate helps nothing and no one and especially not me. I have to simply sit until balance is restored. This has been a rough year, month, week, few days and I let it drown me nearly, but I shall resurface be cause I know I have emotional maturity enough to find the balance again.
When do you feel emotionally insecure? How do you deal with it on your own?
©Carol Desjarlais 6/12/19
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