It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
This is huge. Can you be betrayed and not betray your own soul? Wow! If we take each phrase of the above quote, from the Invitation, and really look at it, it will provide us with good thoughts.
Again, the story we tell ourselves and the true story might be different. It depends on whether you bought in to other people's story about you. Somehow our story gets less and less authentic and we are living someone else's story rather than our authentic one.
Could I, did we, disappoint another to be true to self. Of course. It happens. There were times I disappointed my parents..well, many times. I could not be a sheep nor was I a lamb. I was grateful to have them live long enough to be proud of me. There is nothing like the look on a mother's face when you disappoint her. My biggest disappointment to my mother was that I divorced a Mormon man and left the church completely in order to save myself. I had to bear her disappointment but when she saw me flourish she did become proud of me and said so. It was so hard on her, I knew. But, I also know I had to bear that in order to be what I could be.
Have we borne accusation of betrayal? Oh, so many times. Again, it was leaving my 10 year marriage, with seven children, bundling them up and going to University so I would not be a burden on anyone else, or society. I had to completely walk way without telling my story. Of course, truth was discovered shortly, about the abuse and other terrible things and I was justified in others' eyes. See, I spent a great deal of time worrying about what others would think. I betrayed many, sometimes myself, as I walked away and tested the waters of being a single parent mom with babies that were in day care. To others, and their stories of me, I was fodder for much gossip. None of it true. But, to justify their own unhappiness, their own caging, they had to find their own reasons why I would walk away from everything. It may have been betrayal to others, but I had to be true to myself. My soul needed detaching at great cost to many relationships and yet I bore it and was truly blessed in so many ways that it made up for the hurt I had to hand over to those who thought I should stay forever and be the lamb or the sheep. I can be very proud of my courage and the work it took to completely shed the victimhood and become more whole than I ever could have.
Faithless! What does that truly mean? It has many connotations, but to me, it means that I had to drop the veil of conditioning from my eyes and let no man be in control of my soul. I had to completely withdraw so I could have a personal relationship with Creator. I had to change the language of it all, as well, and you will typically say "Creator" rather than God. I could no longer use that title for the Omnipresent Being. To me, with my past, the title of God and all I was conditioned to believe, was that he was a monster out to get us no matter how hard we try. To me, as he was used against me, and used by others to abuse me, it was not a being that I trusted any more. I had to find a way to live that gave me hope and a sense of a loving Being. I moved into following the Good Red Road and living that life so completely that I came to know Creator. I took the good that fit my soul and discarded the rest. It saved me. I became faithless so that I live a spiritually trustworthy life.
Our stories are so important. My story could be made into a movie. I have written and published my story. Not for acknowledgement, but as a way of doing deep soulful work in understanding who I was and why. The why is important. Not many know the WHY of who we are. It released me. It empowered me. It may help others who struggle. There is a way to come out of despair, out of a life where Christ wept, out of dire circumstances and come to a beautiful place. Yes I succeeded in many ways. Yes, I failed in many ways. But here I am and I am my own story.
Can you speak to all the important phrases of the quote? Think deep and soulfully about it. You do not need to share, for that takes great trust, but I hope you will speak to the importance of that quote in your life:
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
©Carol Desjarlais 6.24.19
If there is no interest in another why are we here? I have disappointed many but none of that was for benefit in the end, all I did was put more guilt on myself. Trying to be a good person all the time takes work if my soul is betrayed . so be it. I have faith and am trustworthy. We are all different emotionally Acceptance and love is the key for me ,
ReplyDeleteDarn, I posted a reply but danged computer so slow it doffed it. Oriah was speaking to being true to self is more important than anything. We should not have to explain if it is true or not, simply that it is true to us. If we cannot be true to self, we cannot be true to others. There are dozens of perspectives to one happening. To each, their story is true. And do we tell the truth to someone or enable them which is more damaging to them and to our own integrity. If our truth hurts another, we know this is true in our own lives our whole lives, we know that we have to speak it to save ourselves.When others story of us is not true or is betrayed, then, if we can keep authenticity and not betray ourselves, is huge. And we have to define betrayal.. when neighbors outed the Jews in Germany.. that is betrayal.. when a husband goes out and has affairs and breaks our heart and soul, that is betrayal. There are many levels and we need to worry ab9ut not betraying ourselves more than worrying about if someone else betrays us. How often do we betray ourselves.. me, quite often. "Don;'t make waves" means don't tell the truth, I think. We have to be trustworthy to self first or we will never be trustworthy to anyone, I think. xoxo
ReplyDeletePerhaps betrayal means different things to different people.I don;t know , it is way to much for me to try and figure it out. Perhaps betrayal has become to much . Just don't want to be hardened to shut down totally. WHich is worse. ? xox
DeleteYes, do not even entertain, nor give power to, shutting down and becoming hardened. If we empower that negative, we enable it to come and come again in our lives, they say, so I know I have to be careful. One day, remind me to tell you about what the Medicine Man said about thinking ill, or hardened, when smoking. It shocked and shook me. We invite in what we think. That is powerful scary for most of us, I think, or should be. There are many little deaths, little heartbreaking things in our earthly life. As long as we do not betray ourselves, we do not invite in betrayal by others?
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