I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
How do we become resilient? Where does it come from? Even on my worst days, and believe me there were many, as I walked through the shadows, I gained a strength that I cannot explain. The only thing that I could not bear, and what broke me, was the death of my soul mate in five weeks. I was angry at being abandoned this one last time. I broke. I am still broken but I am healing up those scars that were left from it. I will spend the rest of my life trying to heal that.
I think, in being totally broken, and totally unable to even manage the basic of skills, I found beauty in my ability to carry on, to breathe on more breath, to walk the rest of my journey without him. I begged for Creator to take me. I knew that my life would never be the same. But, in all that, and as the months went by, I found a new way of being... a good way. I still have problems making decisions and I abdicate the decision making to those I trust.
What the beauty in it all is, is that I know how to be vulnerable. I know that being broken is not forever but that it will change us forever and in that change we find more resilience. Can we be vulnerable? Why is it so difficult when that is exactly what we are in this life down here on earth? Is vulnerability beauty?
©Carol Desjarlais 6.25.19
Great question. Being vulnerable me thinks is opening one's mind. How can we begin to understand anything without it. There may be different ways of vulnerable. Is being kind and enabling others not being vulnerable. It can certainly damage us , being taken advantage of etc. As we age we become more so . Poor health, trusting all or trusting nothing . Is hard to tell the difference what we may do. Some of us will have support, others will fly alone This is the age of uncertainty. Needs become greater , some will deny . or not want help. I fear lack of independence and the loneliness which will come eventually.
ReplyDeleteI find that my art keeps me from focusing on vulnerability.We are going to lose people we love and who would be, could be, our support. Somehow we have to keep active and socialize and do what eases that loneliness. Sometimes I think our loneliness is a wish for things past. Since we cannot have that support/wish, we have to find positive ways to allow that to go and concentrate on filling our lives with things that fill it.
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