I have never had a plan for any future, If you asked me what I was going to be doing five years from 20, 30s…50s, 60s, 70s.. ten years from now… now that I am 76, I would not have an answer. I knew, early, how fickle Life can be. I have always tended to go with what comes and make the best of it. If Life wrecked me, I crawled up from the wreckage, dusted myself off, and got on with getting on. I surrendered to the drama / trauma and got through it and was able to take a breather until Life handed me another. I was afraid of ‘good stuff’ because it meant there was not ‘good stuff’ about to happen. Eventually there was less Life dumping on me and enough break of ‘good stuff; that I became less fearful of the good things Life had to offer. Once I surrendered to Life, stopped fighting it, and simply letting Life run it courses, Life got easier. I became more and more convinced that there as a loving Higher power in control.
I was traumatized at birth, again shortly after, and then there was a space of years, I am told, when Life got easier and I was blessed by a good mother and father. By the age of five, I no longer believed in a good god. By my teenaged years, I began trying to believe, but Life handed me more things that made me think there was none. And, if there was, he was a monster. By early adulthood, I tried. I really tried, but there was no connection to a loving Father. In mid-adulthood, I began to find a way to believe in a Higher Power. I began walking The Good Red Road.
The Red Road signifies walking through Life in deep commitment to living life the best way possible. Deep respect for taking care of each other , taking care of Mother Nature, and dedication to The Creator. I found a new name for God (whose very name resounded negativity and suffering to me). I began following the ancient way of Native American spirituality.
The Red Road Poem
The long road winding began in the stars, spilled onto the mountain tops, was carried in the snow to the streams, to the rivers, to the ocean. It covers Canada, Alaska, America, Mexico to Guatemala, and keeps winding around the indigenous.
The Red Road is a circle of people standing hand in hand, people in this world, people between people in the Spirit world, Star people, Animal people, Stone people, River people, Tree people. The Sacred Hoop.
To walk the Red Road is to know sacrifice and suffering. It is to understand humility. It is the ability to stand naked before the Creator in all things for your wrongdoings, for your lack of strength, for your discompassionate way, for your arrogance. Because to walk the Red Road you always know you can do better. And you know, when you do good things, it is through the Creator, and you are grateful.
To walk the Red Road is to know you stand on equal ground with all living things. It is to know that because you were born human, It gives superiority over nothing. It is to know that every creation carries a Spirit, and the river knows more than you do, the mountain knows more than you do, the stone people know more than you do, the trees know more than you do, the wind is wiser than you are, and animal people carry wisdom. You can learn from every one of them because they have something you don’t. They are void of evil thoughts. They wish vengeance on no one, they seek.
To walk the Red Road, you are given rights. You have the right to pray, you have the right to dance, you have the right to think, you have the right to protect, you have the right to know Mother Earth, you have the right to dream, you have the right to vision, you have the right to teach, you have the right to learn, you have the right to grieve, you have the right to happiness, you have the right to fix the wrongs, you have the right to truth, you have the right to the Spirit World.
To walk the Red Road is to know your Ancestors, to call to them for assistance. it is to know that there is good medicine, and there is bad medicine. It is to know that Evil exists, but is cowardly, as it is often in disguise. It is to know there are evil spirits who are in constant watch for a way to gain strength for themselves at the expense of you.
To walk the Red Road, you have less fear of being wrong, because you know that life is a journey, a continuous circle, and a sacred hoop. Mistakes will be made, and mistakes can be corrected. if you will be humble, for if you cannot be humble, you will never know when you made a mistake.
If you walk the Red Road, you will know that every sorrow leads to a better understanding, every horror cannot be explained, but can offer growth.
To walk the Red Road is to look for beauty in all things. To walk the Red Road is to know you will one day cross to the Spirit World, and you will not be afraid.
I walk the Red Road.
….Unknown
https://redroadlodge.ca/the-red-road-poem/
I surrendered the things I had been conditioned to think and fell in love with The Native Way, a loving, nonjudgmental, way of living and how everything in every day is a spiritual experience full of lessons, and guidance, and great compassion. There is a closeness of ancestors so that we do not ever feel alone. It was then that Life got easier, gentler, and a place of wonder, adventure, and deep gratitude. But, most of all, it was a personal connection to that Higher Power. Not a group thing. Not a forced thing. But, a beautiful submission to the spirit of all things. I found comfort, love and compassion, yes…yes… compassion led me to knowing and feeling loved by a Higher Power. It changed Life drastically. It changed my life drastically. I had a belief in something that had some kind of control over Life. I was no longer a victim to Life. I surrendered to it and it loved me.
©Carol Desjarlais 8.28.23
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