Compassion

 

 

The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet. - https://ct.counseling.org/2013/01/qa-empathy-fatigue/

Compassion is a born gift.  It begins when we see the first suffering of another.  It continues on as we mature and builds as you see someone suffering in some way and it motivates you to help.  I do believe some are born compassionate.  When a new baby hears another baby crying, they cry.  When a toddler sees anther toddler crying, they go to comfort or they cry too.  I believe it is instinctual.  A new born baby can die if it is not held and loved and nurtured.  Why then, do we lose, or have our ability to have compassion fade?

First of all, we can become overloaded when there is one grief after another, when we have had our own traumatic event and we are working hard just to keep ourselves together.  We can become impatient.  We can be so overloaded with trauma that we are angry, numb, fearful/vulnerable.  We can begin to feel ire towards other(s).  We are so overloaded that we can, then, numb our emotional response to others who are downtrodden, saddened, in dire straits.  We may feel judgmental of others who are in need of compassion.  Some are empaths and feel others’ pain too much.  We fear being vulnerable and, thus, become wary or we remove ourselves from around those who are suffering. 

Another reason we may seem to lose our sense of compassion is that we might be like warriors who have seen too much in battle and have some Post Traumatic Stress and we have been overloaded with exposure to traumas and this makes us shut down in a ‘freeze’ response. 

As sisters, we can be there for those who are in need of compassion.  When we share the load, it will not overload us.  I experienced this a couple of years ago.  I ha spent years listening to, counselling, and, really, enabling someone dear and near to me.  It became too much.  We no longer even speak and we spoke almost every day before it all became too much for me.  I was becoming numb and unable to cope with my own anxieties.  The cost of allowing myself to become enmeshed and allowing her to lean too hard on me cost us our half-a-life friendship.

All of us need to make sure we have good boundaries so that we can not get enmeshed in others emotional distresses. (or drama)  Stay present in the face of someone needing our support and allow yourself to become actively involved in comforting someone who needs it.  And, make sure you do not stay I the relationship for too long so that you can move away and take some time to relax, to destress, to build your emotional stamina back up in order to be emotional companionate for others who may need such, including ourselves. 

Those who smudge to cleanse, and wear protection, need to cleanse again.  Those who meditate need to meditate.  I learned a great lesson from a fax a peer sent through on myf ax.  It was a whimsical drawing of a sad little girl holding a teddy bear.  It said,

“Get out of my way and let me do my job! Signed, God!”  I learned it is not my job to fix, but to comfort.  Make sure we always work on keeping ourself emotional healthy so that we can hold space for another. 

©Carol Desjarlais 08/17/23