We hear a great deal about care for disaster victims, but there are so many others who are affected by disasters and sometimes they fall through the cracks of support. We have four extra people, and two big dogs, staying at our place. People who have been evacuated and are staying in a ramshackle motorhome parked in our yard. They have the stress and worry about their houses being devoured by the fire, as well as, all four have other issues, health and mental issues to deal with. They are coping best they can, especially the elderly couple. She is mostly blind and he is in his seventies and care-giving for her. I am experiencing a sense of needing to be supportive but, as well, a sense of invasion into our privacy, our routines, our way of having things look and work in our yard. It is taking a great deal of patience as well as work to make sure that things run well. Meals, laundry, showers, meals, are extra work for me. I have to make sure that I do self-care in order not to feel overwhelmed and letting the extra things cause me stresses that I may not react well too. It feels very good to be able to help, but it also can take its toll on The Bee Man and I, and our two little dogs.
Caregivers can go through their own disaster fatigue. There is dealing with the stress of change to routines, etc. There is also the sense of our own type of disaster trauma happening. It can easily lead to burn-out and frustrations. For instance, something as simple as garbage build=-up and bags of beer cans and garbage building up around a yard that The Bee man takes such pride in. Suddenly, our quiet world is not quiet any more. We are, typically, quite private people and suddenly, whenever we turn around, our dogs are barking at these new human beings in their yard. There is a great deal of comings and goings into and out of the house. The easiest emotion to project is anger and we have to block the frustrations that could lead to us feeling angry and ‘put upon’. We are having to be sure we have boundaries and that we express these boundaries. This is not a usual thing when you have company visiting, but once it is a sustained sudden parking of a motorhome in our yard and residence taken up, we have to have rules. We, who do not drink are having to deal with drinking. We who do not use recreational drugs are having to deal with the thick sickeningly sweet smell of five people smoking their drugs that permeates even the clothes they wear into the house. We have to pick our battles, for sure.
As the days start to add up, I am sensing a release of caring about the mess, the smell, the lack of privacy. But underneath the release, is a smouldering sense of being invaded in some passive way. I find I get truly exhausted and we have asked that, when the lights are out, early evening, we would prefer they do not come into the house and let us rest. I feel a sense of being constantly on guard in some way. The expectation that the one who has problems might move into full scale episode and dealing with her is a struggle at best of times. We are wary and have to choose the right time and space to set boundaries. There is a sense of being grateful to be able to help, with the negatives, so there is a sense of push and pull of emotions throughout the day.
I have the extra job of making sure that The Bee Man does not fall, does not bump his leg and have more wounds, dealing with keeping his things ready (compression socks) for the Home Care worker that comes early mornings to do leg care and put the socks on. I have to make sure I have his meals ready and on time because he likes routine in that. I have his clothing to launder along with the nightly laundering of his prescription socks. I am, also, the peacemaker between him and his oldest daughter who has problems. Trying to keep routine in the house, for him, and our poor puppies is a job I have. I, the great peacemaker of man and dogs. LOL. I notice I am exhausted by seven pm. To top this all off, we are under boil water restrictions and we only have enough water pressure to flush the toilet of run water in the kitchen tap. We can only run one appliance that uses water at a time.
I have made a point of going out, where they have set up in the shade of the eaves at the side of the house, sitting in our camp chairs, and spending some time visiting with them. This helps me stay calm as I get to understand more of their struggles in life, minus this disaster, and I maintain a sense of more compassion for them.
We set boundaries about evening and asked the one staying in our bedroom to please be in at 8:30 pm because the dogs go to bed then. If he comes in later, they bark the house down. We are all tired by the end of the day and I have not gone to bed at 8:30 pm for anything. But, these days, I fall directly to sleep. I waked up at 2, 3, 4, and typically stay up any time after 4 am because I have to get my work done early in the morning before I run out of steam. Early morning is when I de-stress and gird up for the day.
I took Tuesday off and went with my girlfriend for the afternoon. Then we were taken out for dinner by a neighbor. It was refreshing. Not everywhere is troubled and chaotic. I focus on being compassionate for the day, without consideration of the day before unless I can pick out times when it was good. I know I have extended myself and done the right things in order to keep peace and to feel peace in a tough situation for all. This is my coping strategy for now and I strengthen myself, then make sure I do something during the day just for me, then I am able to be a support.
All of BC is in disaster mode. Some are so very worse off than me, we, all of us. We are simply making the best of a tough situation. I notice that I get pretty run down at the end of the day because I am constantly ready for some other thing to come up, and it usually does. All I can do is hold space for myself, make sure I rest when I can, and renew my challenge for myself to attend to the present needs and not worry what came before and what comes next. Reducing built up stressors and frustrations, I do, through constant self-talk that this is not going to be forever and I can maintain peace in our household if I bite my tongue and stay focused on what needs to be done now, next, or never.
Accolades go to those who take in desperately needy people who are iving in a world they could not imagine, fearful, anxious, stressed, and feeling somewhere between gratitude and angst for imposing on others, yet, having no choice. Bless the hands that prepare the smoothest way for those in such need. So many need our prayers, our love and light. Don’t forget to pray for the caregivers, too.
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