In every family, there seems to be one of those that thrive on drama and there is always one crisis after another. The crisis demands we all stop our good life and pay attention to the problems that arise. This is not new and many times the Drama Queen personality is enabled so that everyone is always trying to pacify in order to stop the drama. But it doesn’t. They need drama and will create it however they can.
A Drama Queen has issues, to say the least, and have had so most of their life. They are unpredictable yet so predictable. You do not know how it is going to start, but you know it is going to. It is not always that they can control it, but they attempt to and chaos is a panacea to them. Their reaction to anything new is to control what they can at the expense of whomever is in the firing line. Acting out, tantrums, constant crises, of one kind or another, is what they know best and how they react to new situations, or situations they create in order to have the drama.
I use the term “Drama Queen” lightly s that all can relate to something that is familiar to us. They are the type who try to avoid thinking and fill of time and space with constant work to beat down the adrenaline in their system. They find things to fill gaps in time in order to not deal with ‘life as normal’. Chaos is their relief.
Their enjoyment is to set off other people’s triggers. They are not dumb people/. They are, typically, very intelligent. They tend to be perfectionists in focus and in doing what they set out to do, be it negative or positive. They choose people that have like issues, even addictions of any kind, because it is guaranteed drama. Their lives are hectic and drama-riddled, their friendships are not long lived, and they exhaust people who are not like them. They are high until they are not. Then their depression slides in as relationships deteriorate because the others become exhausted around them.
One has to have very strict boundaries, set them, mean them, and set up consequences. The ‘victims’ are at risk of being overwhelmed as the long days of and episode and intrusions tick by. Patience is shortening. Anything done to curtail it all is reason for triggering the chaotic behavior. One foot in front of the other is all one can do. No amount of cajoling, pacifying, demanding, changes the other’s mind once their need for drama happens. The absolute refusal to give in to authority is a ‘normal’ to the ‘Drama Queen’. Underlying mental illness that has been the excuse for not making demands of them is often overlooked in the day-to-day struggle with such people. The struggles begin to flood over into the ‘victims’ lives as there is nowhere to turn to get support without burdening other people. Trying to do anything legal is not an option in that it affects more and more people when trying to break free of these type of people. Simply setting boundaries for them and yourself and getting through until there is a reprieve is all one can do for now. Being prepared to cope, properly, with the issues that arise again is imperative. There are always so many extenuating circumstances enmeshed in the relationship with such.
Goddess bless those who have to deal with such struggle. Strengthening oneself is imperative. After an immediate crises, trying to find oneself back to normalcy is difficult and the wariness and angst following their episodes can set you up for being overly alert and too protective. This is all part of how the Drama Queen works her mysteries. Wariness and protectionism is part of the defence, but also a cost to those who must do so. Again, Goddess Bless us all who must deal with such!
©Carol Desjarlais 8.31.23
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