"When the storm rips you to pieces, you get to decide how to put yourself back together again." = - Bryant H. McGill.
Sometimes it is just s skiff of a storm. Sometimes it is a blast of weather. Sometimes it is a hurricane that neve ends. Sometimes it is a tornado. And we can be so damaged afterwards that it means we may never become who we were before it. But as sure as there is a before, there is an after. Sometimes we can almost make our way back to it. Sometimes we cannot ever. And, sometimes, we should not.
During a wicked storm, we weather it; maybe, weather it well. Or maybe we react in ways we would not normally act. Our body knows what it needs to do. It has all the know-how it needs, but sometimes, Ego/Self gets in the way and we do not know whether it is the end-of-the-world storm or merely one that will pass without threat. It all comes down to our responses.
Look at how we handle stressors. Maybe you have never had a huge stress. How did you react to the small, medium, and larger stressors? I know I was always able to work my stress off, when it was everyday kind of stress. Medium stress, I need to walk…usually incircles, talking to myself…lol. But then there seems a bar and when that is crossed, there is no saying what I will do to try to relieve it, or I will simply react, feeling out of control, and usually my mouth. But huge things… well, I was broken in 2015.
No one could have acted crazier than I did. I had no coping skills after 5 weeks it took from diagnosis to death. I cared for hm alone except for the few days that his daughter could come all the way from Florida. She could not, I believe, believe he was going so fast and she had no idea how every day he died a little bit more. By the time he died, I broke, seriously. I had to be led around like a kindergarten child by my daughter who flew down to bring me home. I could not make even the slightest decision. I was brought home and nurtured and cared for in my greatest grief I had ever experienced. Bar none. I did not handle anything… I was hurt, angry, beyond any grief I ever experienced. I had not had any sleep for 5 weeks and had to take such grim care of him. No, I did not handle it at all. I broke. I did not just lose myself, I lost my sense of humor, my abiity to feel, my ability to love so deeply ever again. I fear, still, every ay with an older partner. Those things do not go away. I find myself planning what to do, how to pack up stuff I do not use and will need to move with me, and worry about how I would handle it again. I am trying to be more prepared/. Of course, I might go first, which would be a blessing.
But after the breaking, I found a deeper sense of self. I miss my old life and the old me, but I am coming to terms with who I am now. The higher a rise and the more serious the storm, the harder the come down, I have found.
I still know that distraction is best when there is a storm looming and inevitable. I know that working towards the looming storm can help prepare you to find and use coping skills early. If a storm comes without warning, may we be prepared, may we have worked on our stress coping skills so that we can withstand the blow. Then, we must know what to do with rainbows.
©Carol Desjarlais 7.18.22
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This art journal page was done by, first, tearing a hole in a page. (I did this with the kids so that they would learn that you can mess up and make the best beautiful of it.) I [painted a scene around the hole. When I finished, there was the added surprise of a following page having some mark making that showed through. With the kids, I searched through their sketchbooks and found something that could be put behind it
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