Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mother

 

 

“The worst flaw of mothers is that they die before we can manage to give back a part of what they have done for us.

They leave us defenseless, guilty, and irretrievably orphaned.  Luckily, we only have one. Because nobody could bear the pain of losing her twice.”-Isabel Allende-

But I did.  I lost a birthmother, or she lost me, then I lost my adoptive mother, then I lost my birth mother again. 

I was able to spend my 60^th birthday with my Mother who had her birthday within a few days of mine. The family surprised me and celebrated mine as well.  It was almost too much because it was not lost on me that I was born a few days after her 30^th birthday and this was a magnificent gift to me to be back where I could see, touch, hear, and feel her love. 

I was the first one (I was #5 of 13) she gave completely away.  She gave her other children, one by one, to family, friends, or into the system.  Three of us were adopted.  Some went into foster care.  Some got lost in the world and still struggle to find their way to feel “home”.  I have a full brother born 14 months before me.

 

I played a remembered piano piece I learned when I was a teenager, “Robin’s Return”.  No one needed to know the name of the piece.  I did.  That was enough.

 

Our first meeting. After 60 years,  “Where did you get those green eyes?” she asked.  “I don’t know, mother, where DID I?  lol..  I am the only child with green eyes and I, and my brother, 14 months older, have the same father. 

 

I am a woman of two mothers.  Blessed once by a mother who knew I would do better with another.  Blessed by the “another” and what a fabulous mother she was. She passed in 2000.   Blessed in 2007 with my younger sister and brother doing a more in-depth search for me and being found.  Blessed to be found while my birth mother could still remember a baby named “Linda Mae”.  Blessed to have her for four more years.  Blessed that my adoptive mother had already passed before I was found because my mother would have been so afraid I would love the other best.  Thrice blessed I am, 

 

Myrtle, mother that you were and mother that you came to be.  Happy mothering birthday in heaven.  I will see you there.  In fact, you will meet my other  mother, or already have.  You will love Norma G. Woolf.  She was an amazing woman and mother for me. 

©Carol Desjarlais 7.19.22