“Deep inside, she knew who she was. And that person was smart and kind and often even funny, but somehow her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong things, or, more often, nothing at all. “
– Julia Quinn
Sometimes our inner voice goes quiet and we nothing to say, no opinions, no rebuttal. It may feel like we have lost our self-confidence and suddenly we feel all insecure within our world. But we cannot lose it. It is there, waiting for us to use it. I remember when, in the 60s and 70s we were all about “finding ourselves”. What did we find? Who we were in the first place? It is normal for our self-esteem to fluctuate. We cannot always have strong emotional reactions and feelings and have something strong to say. What IS self-confidence anyways?
Self-confidence is when you are sure of yourself, trust in self, and the belief that you are necessary in the world, that you are enough, and that you can change yourself and the world around you if you choose too. When we are not self-confident, we feel powerless, hopeless, unnecessary to those you love and your world. It can make you feel weak and unsure of yourself. It causes us to seek validation outside ourselves and rely on other people’s opinion of ourself. We are afraid to take risks and experience adventures and life is mundane, fearful, and isolating.
When confidence is an ocean of ebbs and flows every hour of the day and sometimes it is normal for confidence to wane. You become disconnected from your own needs and desires and, suddenly, you might feel so vulnerable that you shut down emotionally.
The way out of the low self-confidence is to simply do what you do not want to do. Act like a confidence person. Fake it til you make it. Be assertive. Remember, nothing can be done without hope and confidence.
Things you are passionate in and projects that give you peace and joy are the things to really focus on during low times. Spend time with those who you can talk to and just begin talking without expectations of any reaction or input as a response form them. Use your voice. Share what is going on in your life. Eventually, a topic will come up where your joy and passion will begin to burble and you will find yourself chattering away. You will begin to see that your voice has value and that it wants to be used.
Sometimes it is good to talk to yourself. You know that inner nasty voice that tries to tell you you have no worth nor nothing of worth to say? Well, hush that with idle chatter to yourself for a while. Make sure there’s no one around to hear because then you will be seen as a bit off. Lol. It strengthens us to talk and hsare with another person. It is best to share with just one and make sure not to share too much.
And, by the way, it is good not to have lots of self-confidence at times. It will eventually drive you to finish projects you have started and not finished. In that, you might catch some joy and make sure you reward yourself with metaphorical pats on the back. This helps you feel less helpless and you will feel your empowerment begin to take over again.
You are in control, always. You choose what you feel. Choose to feel what is authentic and logical. Do not let the ho-hums feel good to you. Find something that pulls you towards feeling strong and beautiful and wonderful and gifted, as you really are. Again and gain, you are a gift to the world. Be that!
©Carol Desjarlais 7.16.22
**art piece on canvas is PopArt.
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