Echoism: I Am Not Your Echo

 

 

“Echoism is sometimes considered the opposite of narcissism, but central to being an echoist is a fear of seeming narcissistic. They fear being the center of attention or a burden to others. Individuals like that tend to be warmhearted, to the point of overgiving and under-receiving.” – mind body green.com

How many of us worry about being seen as narcissistic?  Narcissists are totally self-centered and some of us worry about being self-absorbed so much that we become what we worry about being.  The term “echoism” refers to a Greek myth about Echo and Narcissus. Hera cursed Echo, the nymph, so that she could not speak her own words.  She could only repeat the last words spoken to her.  This causes Echo to lose her sense of being herself.  She eventually goes and hides in a forest and not to interact with anything or anyone.  Until...  along comes Narcissus, and she is immediately drawn to hi.  Since she cannot speak her own words and can only repeat what he says, he turns away from her…she is rejected.  She goes back into the forest, dejected, and dies.

Our personalities need a bit of narcissism and a bit of echoism.  There is a middle ground that is a healthy balance.  When you are an echoist, thee are several ways that echoism shows up in your life that makes you “difficult” to be around as we may spurn neediness in others as well as those who are all about mememememe.  Here are some ways it may show up in us:

Do you refuse to ask for help because you want to seem to be strong and a real “do it yourself” kind of person?  Are you afraid of being seen as too needy so you rush out and try to meet everyone else’s needs?  Do you end up crashing and burning and completely worn out from overdoing the “service to others”?

Along with this, do you have difficulty saying “no” and often agree to do things for others that you regret, even resent, in the end? Do you have good boundaries or do you not even recognize your own boundaries?  Are your boundaries so weak that you see having needs and desires for yourself as weakness?  Is it hard for you to allow others to give to you, to care for you because of that sense of weakness when you allow it? 

Do you end up at the end of the day exhausted and anxious and blaming yourself for every rejection and abandonment?

 Do you have a difficult time expressing yourself?  Do you fear what you say or do will make you look needy?  Do you have a hard time feeling that you are special and that you have gifts to share that are worthy and precious rather than throwing out every compliment and good deed and good thoughts towards everyone else but yourself?  Do you cut down every compliment you get not realizing that you are robbing others of the gifts of giving to you?  Do you realize that you have low self-esteem only after you have been rushed and have allowed others to use you?  Do you self-sabotage? Do you care for others and end up choosing others who will reject you?

Do you deflect praise from others because it is almost an insult to you or you simply do not allow yourself to feel special in any way?  Do you shrink at others paying attention to you?  Are you afraid of being loved and cared for so you withdraw from those who care and love you? 

Ar you afraid to say something that others might reject or disagree with and, in the end, do you simply walk away, every time, thinking that others do not really need you? 

Are you an empath so deeply that you are incapable of feeling your own feelings?  Do you allow others’ problems to become your own and at great emotional cost to yourself?  Do you constantly remind yourself that you are an empath and that that is important to be such?

Well, if any of this rings true to you, in that, you are more of these above things than not, perhaps you need to look at doing some things for yourself that will help you be the real you not the you who always agrees and does for others.

Stop and consider what a gift you are to the world.  Afterall, we are all here for a reason and your reason is your very purpose for being here at all.  It is okay to be proud of yourself.  You deserve some credit and mostly from yourself first.  Try making a list of ways you ARE special and brave and strong and do not let it be an echoist state of mind as you write the list.

Realize that you are the way you are because of some trauma in your early life.  Really think about the WHY of the belief that you must meet everyone else’s needs and expectations and not let yourself focus on what you need, what is special and good and brave and strong and worthy of you.

Know and keep your boundaries strong.  This will not happen overnight.  You need to think of your boundaries whenever you interact with others so that you realize the echoist within. 

Practice putting yourself first so that you do not end up burned out as usual.  Do something, every day, for yourself.  Think of your bucket list and start small towards fulfilling some of that bucket list.  Baby steps end up getting you more traction than striding forth without thought of how things are affecting you, your soul; yes, body, mind, heart and soul.  Echoists seldom have bucket lists.  Write yours down.

One of your gifts is empathy, of course, and, yes, karma adds up, if you allow it too.  Try being empathetic towards yourself.  Get in touch with your soul and feed and nurture it.  O not be afraid of being seen as self-absorbed and stop[ being self-effacing.  Be aware of your voice and use it.  Try a little it of voicing your opinion every day.  Never mind detractors.  You see, you have been easy to manipulate and there are narcissists who will resent you starting to use your own voice to voice your own needs and desires, opinions, and wants and needs.  Never mind them… mind yourself.

Be balanced…a bit of narcissist and a bit of echoiest.  Allow your light to shine from within so that you are doing things because you are aware of good karma rather than trying to be accepted by others.  You are worthy of so much.  Here you are, a survivor, and overcomer, a thriver.  You have been there and done that so many times that you should remember what a gift you are to the world. 

Be that someone who is beloved by others because you are authentic, you are beloved by the Creator and a light of “unique and special” you shines in other people’s eyes.  Take every compliment you can get.  Allow people to love the real you not a pseudo personality that is always a yes yes yes person.  Do not let your display of weakness and un-deservedness be what others view you as.  You are not that.  You are worthy.  Be that!

©Carol Desjarlais 7.15.22

This art journal page was done by coloring a whole page with wax crayons or oil crayons.  Then do a good thick wash of black ink.  I am sure you did scratch pictures when you were young.  This is just that.  When the ink is thoroughly dry, use a fork (not a plastic one...that did not work) and scratch the page, using lines going every which way until the image begins to show through. 

This page spoke very much about the echoist in me.