If we were completely balanced (physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual) all the time, how boring would we be… how boring would we feel? Change means progression. Some times we need something in life to ignite our changes.
Sometimes one’s ‘can-do’ spirit leaves the building. Sometimes it feels like a lose-lose situation. We cannot just dream up successes. What we expect is not always what we get. And if we are projecting positivity when we do not feel it right deep to our marrow, we can be badly let down. Not everything is achievable. Being okay with not being okay, not succeeding all the time, not ever wanting to succeed all the time, is totally human and totally okay.
We work on things we value and we work on things we believe in, most of the time. And if we expect to succeed a hundred percent of the time, we are doing a great injustice to ourselves. It is not possible. And, if we think it is, we row our boat on denial.
We need to be well-intentioned. I think that is the key. We mean to be ‘better’ not ‘perfect’. We mean to be loving and kind and compassionate, but we are not always. Cannot be. We could wish for it, pray for it…but it simply is not realistic to think it always will be. I think something I have learned over the decades is that our choices are why we are where we are right now. And, I believe in karma but not in the sins of Adam/Eve. In this, I mean, that I believe the good we do does not cancel what good we do not do, but neither are we paying for anyone else’s sins, or perceived sins. Lord knows, we are the worst judges of ourselves.
People will let us down. We will let others down. Communication can be so warped and it is ever evident since the beginning of this year and I refuse to defend myself. I am learning to let chips fall where they may. I have lost faith in a great deal over these months. I almost lost faith in myself. But, by letting be what must be, things have come to light where I realize, all was not as it seems and there were hidden agendas. I was almost ready to become jaded over it and suddenly, truths found their way to me and I realize how very much some people do not deserve my respect, care, compassion, and kindness... and so I simply walk away for very good reasons. I am saving myself for a change.
A positive attitude is worth a great deal, but when used to deny reality, it is not. Sometimes we simply need to rock with the waves until a shore comes in sight. Sometimes we are better off being ourselves than who we wish we were. Does that make sense? It does to me.
Honor yourself, even your shadows. Do not pretend to be who you are not. Do not pretend to know what you do not. Do not pretend to feel what you do not. Do not pretend to believe what you do not. Those are wise words that come as an epiphany to me. I am who I am and I am a work in progress. Aren’t you?
©Carol Desjarlais 5.18.20
No comments:
Post a Comment