Everyday Karma

 “We accept the love we think we deserve.” - Stephen Chbosky

“You are what you think all day long.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am sure we all have some kind of understanding of karma.  It goes deeper than just doing to others what you wish done to you.  It belongs, also, in the realm of what we think of ourselves and what comes to us because of that. We know what we think affects us, that our self-worth affects us, in myriads of ways in all four realms of our being – physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual.  And, right now, we can be thinking all sorts of things from one end of the scale of positivity to negativity.  I wish none of my negative thoughts on myself, so I am taking good care not to think negatively.  

This is a time of fear, whether you realize it consciously or not.  If we were the type of people to say we can’t because we are afraid, then we will only more deeply entrench that kind of thinking and it will go beyond the fear of the pandemic.  Not fearing does not mean not being careful.  Fear, for many, is typically an excuse not to do something.  Do not let fear guide us.  Refuse to listen to the fearmongering that is going on.  Of course, listen to the experts but be careful what kinds of experts and what their hidden agendas and what they have expertise in.  

Another thing I am being made aware of is something my father conditioned in me.  “You made your bed, now you have to lie in it!”  I stayed in an abusive marriage 19 years too long because of this conditioning.    How many of us have just ‘sucked it up and taken it’?  We can all change our minds.  It is not failure nor cheap nor weak nor just giving up.  Sometimes our choices are all about reasons no one else even needs to know about.  Making choices takes strength.  What we chose directly affects how our life will be immediately after choosing…and who knows for how long after.    When we make right choices, even in horrible situations, we become free of our conditioning and we change the karma.  

Do not ever accept less than what you deserve.  And, despite the voice of your inner critic, you deserve so very much.  If our needs are not met, our basic needs, then we deserve more, yes.  But wants?  Not so much.  We do not have to settle for anything, ever.  But, sometimes we do to make someone else’s life better.  Do not plaster a smile on your face and then expect others to know that you are going through harsh things.  Be authentic.  You help no one by pretense.  If we pretend, some time it will come back to bite our butt, believe me.  When I left my nineteen-year marriage, family actually said, “But, you always had a smile on your face.” And there was no support for me from the people I needed the most to do so.  Our life will never be fulfilled if we do not accept what we must and change ourselves betimes in compassion, in consideration, in quiet celebration of what you have that you DO need.  Do not ever accept that this is the best it can be.  It takes hard work to fit into a partnership, a family,. A community, a culture.  There is always give and take and sometimes you get way more than what you needed.  Give it a minute to soak in.  There was a book out that purported that you could drema and imagine and make it so.  It was kitschy and did so much damage to so many who, when it did not happen, they spent the rest of their time feeling undeserving.  I spent a great deal of lie doing for others what I wished could happen for me.  It did not work, of course.  I had to raise my boundaries and expectations, yes, and it was hard work and it hurt lots of times, but in order to be a part of the whole, sometimes we need wait a minute and maybe get what we need, bit by bit, as we put ourselves out there to receive, that things do find their way to us.

I started doing a whole envelop of Random Acts of Kindness before Christmas.  I kept adding to it, and then forgetting, and then adding some more.  Finally, guilt had me send that off, or what I thought was guilt/shame that I had not sent it off.  I sent it.  It took some long weeks for me to find out that she had received it.  During a couple of week’s ago angst and chaos, and real stress and sadness and anger in my life, I received a note from the stranger I had chosen, at random, to receive the gifts.  I was blown away when I received her message that went something like this:

She could not figure out how she knew me. (I absolutely knew nothing of her... I chose her at random from a totally other group.)  She had been admitted to ER due to a incident where she no longer wanted to live.  Suddenly, all of a sudden, she got my package.  She stated I had blessed her. She, like I, had some issues from childhood that showed up and she, like I, thought it had been conquered.  It hadn’t.  All it took was some kindnesses from me and others, who knew nothing of her situation, to help her get through.  She thanked me for my instinct.  When I received her message, I, myself, was pretty low and her note to me helped me more than she could ever know.  I am a good person.  

I am intuitive. And, I cannot be intuitive if I have inner crap going on.  I had listened.  I had blessed.  I had no intention of thinking I would be blessed back.  But, there in the middle of my own muddle was her beautiful note.   I believe in Karma.

©Carol Desjarlais 5.25.20