A Forest of Feelings: Too Much, Too Deeply, Too Dramatically

We all act and react differently to life and with this new life we are living in, we can experience some pretty raw emotions, I find.  As long as they are fleeting, and our resilience returns, quickly, we are handling things pretty much the way everyone is.  You may overreact to situations.  You may be ultra-sensitive.  You may feel dramatic.  It is easy to see that we are all at different stages and feelings are more intense - (perhaps like a small child who does not get their way).  We all process things differently according to genetics, conditioning, experiences at any time of life.  We may be more finely tuned, right now, and more intuitive, more perceptive, more aware of social nuances, and have different energies flowing through and around us.  

I know that I was concerned because I was feeling some of these things this last couple of weeks.  Gifted people often feel this way.  Some of us are often highly-sensitive.  We have all met those who live in denial, those who are always on some kind of mood swing, those who are lifelong sufferers (Eeyore types).      To be in balance is to rarely feel rapture, and/or to rarely feel desperate.  Most of us feel tenderness and nostalgia.  The balance is that we maintain control of our emotions, are resilient, and are able to negotiate with ourselves and remain more than survivors, more than overcomers, but are able to thrive.  The extremes of anger, intense angst, and swings are not balanced. 

Fear is normal and part of our make up as human beings.  But constant fear is not good for our psyche let alone all other three areas of being human.  Abandonment issues need to be worked on if you have had a life that gave you such.  Disassociation is so damaging and many who have been abused in early childhood will deal with this.  There are those who live risky lives, to the max, and tend to have other disorders that go with this.  Overthinking and paranoia is not for those who are working on balance or are balanced human beings.  Chaos makers and chaos-takers are not balanced.  Feeling numb for long periods of time is not balanced.  Strained relationship issues is not a balanced way of life.  Taking on the feelings of others is not balanced.  Being vulnerable to others is not balanced.  But  as long as we are awake and living alive, in this day and age of virus and its quarantine changes, and maintaining a more balanced way ( not necessary the old way you were, but occasionally finding yourself putting out small inner fires) we will be able to thrive in new ways.

The richer our lives are, the healthier we are.  As long as we are seeking answers to our inner thinking, without accepting others truths to be our absolute own, the more apt we are to find balance.  We need enthusiasm and energy and stimulation.  We need to find ways to absorb the outer tensions and make our lives even more enriched by meeting the challenges head on in order to assimilate what is good and discard that which does us no good.  Obsessiveness is not good for us; being contemplative is.  Somehow we tend to maintain self-control.

We resolve emotions and tolerate change and angst as we acknowledge our changing emotions, during this stressful time, as they come.  We think before we act.  S long as we accept our new normal and work on self-esteem and self-regulation during this time, the better off we are.  So, do not worry that you are feeling things more intensely.  It is to be expected.  What is not expected is that we stay in these feelings without taking time to understand and acknowledge them and know the triggers.  Emotions are a gift.  Emotions are teachers in their own right.  We have time to really understand our inner workings and like a time-keeper, figure out how we work.  It will not be long and things we balance out.  If they do not, then we may need to seek help to do so.  

No guilt or shame attached, sisterfriends.  Life is not as we knew it, neither are we. Just as life will return to its balance, so will we.  I love you for your bravery, for your realness, for who we are all becoming as we forge onward through difficult times.

 I did this painting with Pia Rom.  I love how her paintings are stories.  

She starts with mark making.  I used a page I had used up left over paint on.

I calmed it down with some gesso.

I, then, added some torn bits of  a face, a bird, a tree  and interested blocks of color.

More mark making and using charcoal to find and define some areas.

then I began painting over the face, to remake the portrait.

I used clear gesso over all.

Next, I began painting in blocks of color.

Again, redefining what I had done.

As I finish, I repaint the woman,and the bird,  add details. and voila, finish before I muddy up and overdo it all..

©Carol Desjarlais 5.22.20