“We are
never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.” - Freud
“Try not to stress over the shady people
who betrayed you. I know it hurts but the truth is that they were always shady,
they are never going to change and you are actually much better off now because
at least you know who they really are.” - unknown
Betrayal can come in many forms, they
are individualistic, and they hurt the soul.
It matters not whether it has be apologized for, we do not forget that
hurt and so we may become less trusting.
Somehow we have to change ourselves and change who we choose to have a
relationship with. The betrayal may be
abandonment, conflict, moral, broken promises, and anything another might do to
break your heart. Betrayal leaves deep
emotional scars. It may be intentional
or unintentional, it matters not, it hurts.
It leaves the recipient with deep feelings of shock, denial, disbelief,
and a myriad of other emotional responses.
It leaves physical responses as well, as all soul-deep wounds do. Somehow we have to get past the fear in order
to risk to trust again. It may take a
long time.
Such as betrayal can cause us to change,
as a person, in both negative and positive ways. For a time, one withdraws in order to soothe
yourself and it gives a sense of time to figure out how it happened. For a time one may seem to have emotionally
withdrawn from most things. Slowly build
your confidence back, after taking some time.
Forgive yourself for allowing it to
happen. Do not forget it, learn the
lesson well. Work slowly through it and
try to regain faith in yourself and others again. Detach from those who do not feel trustworthy
to you. Be gentle with yourself and
explain to beloveds why you might be withdrawn.
Seek out those who support you in myriads of other ways.
This painting represents my healing
after a betrayal. My painting is on a
plastic canvas that my daughter had started work on and gave up on.
I used a portrait I had started that I did
not like and used gesso over it and began it again. I glued it on over top of the Mandela
print that I had given a coat of clear gesso.
Layer by layer she took hold again.
I still do not like the portrait but I finished it
nonetheless.
We can redo our lives like we redo paintings. They might be perfectly to your liking but
you have learned new lessons in the doing of it. Brave on, sister friends.
©Carol Desjarlais 4.4.20
Very wise words Carol. The process of accepting and learning from betrayal can take quite a long time, depending of how close that person/or persons are to you. It's painful at the time, but as you say, we then heal and learn and be a little more cautious next time. Personally, I was very slow to get this... I left myself open to betrayal many times when I was younger, and just kept wondering why it kept happening to me.. I guess that's our immature self not learning the lesson but hoping for better next time... as we mature I think we finally learn to not 'bear our souls' to people, but there are a number of ways to be betrayed and it's a shock when it happens. Betrayal has many faces. It's part of our maturing and learning process, but yes, it hurts until we heal and recognise that we've learned from the experience xx
ReplyDeleteTrue. It is such a shock when it happens. As we mature, we get it, but what we do not expect is for an incident, seemingly out of the blue, to act in an immature way and create chaos. How we respond is more mature. What would have once left me in emotional rags, now finds me seeking the lesson(s) and pausing and refreshing my belief system about others. Everyone has a reason, including ourselves...some have hidden agendas we cannot imagine. It is a balm to see chaos-makers move on to create chaos in someone else's live(s)... which is often the case with chaos-makers. Thank you for you comments. You get it, too. xo
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