April Fool's and Loss Of Innocence

I learned one of my hardest lessons when I was a child and my grandpa, my hero, my greatest love on earth, played an April Fool's trick on me.  He pointed out the window at a Spring pool of water in our furthest yard and said, "Look, there is a beaver!"  I searched and searched and then everyone laughed and said, "April Fools!"  I was devastated.  My grandfather had lied to me.  I felt betrayed and cried most of the day about it.  When they told me to get over it, I quietly went to my room where they could not see my heartbreak.  It was my first experience with someone lying.  I have never forgotten that devastating feeling.  My innocence was gone.

It is imperative not to lie to children.  Yes we do Santa and leprechauns, and Easter bunnies, but do it cautiously, I think.  If you think back and find that key place of some kind of that devastated you, there is where your work on innocence should begin.  It is that key place where your childhood ended.

Innocence should be a right for children.  It is imperative they be allowed the deficit of adulthood for as long as possible so they do not carry the burden of how wild and wicked a world can be.  Those of us who had something devastating, no matter how we think it might not be, it was/is to that specific child.  We become confused.  Life was so easy and then, wham, life gets real and the burdens of not having that innocence can affect each child differently...and has affected US, even in our aging, differently from one another.  This is why Inner Child work has become something we know we need to do.  

As we look at our own loss of innocence, know that it is a trigger.  If we want peace,harmony, and balance in our lives, it takes looking back and figuring out how that key incident changed you.  Some have had horrific orientation from innocence to the adult world.  Be kind to Self and to others.  We know not what they carry like a monkey on their backs.  During this time of isolation, maybe it is time to take a long hard look and do some spring cleaning of our very own.  Be gentle with yourself.  Artists, I think, have an open way to access the Inner Child, in our art practice.  Be gentle.. be gentle.  

https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/inner-child-work-can-benefit.htm 

I did this painting before I left for Alberta.  A quick drawing, with a HB 6 pencil.  I knew the pencil might bleed, so I sprayed the painting with Mod Podge spray.  Big mistake.

I decided to use my inks to do this painting and this is when the problem arose.

 

I, then, had to use clear gesso over the drawing to be able to get the ink to take.

 

This cured the problem.

Layer by layer the inks took and I was able to finish her.

She represents the colors of my healing.

At a later post, I will blog about my retrieval of a childhood event and how I sought help to deal with some flashbacks that went back to a time of diapers.  Now is not the time or place, but know, I sought out my friend and peer in the counseling field to get through to that event.  You may need to do such as well when your own skills and coping needs some guidance and help. xoxoxoxo 

©Carol Desjarlais 4.1.20