Heaven Can Wait

Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

 - Psalms 90:10 New International Version

I have found, that as we get older, we learn the value of simplifying our lives.  We simplify our social aspects, relationships, our physical activities, our intellectual skills, our emotions, and our spirituality becomes finer tuned.    I am a slow learner... lol… so it takes me longer than some.  I notice that I use less make up, not because I have given up, but because it is less necessary.  I simplify the clothes I wear.  I still like hippy dippy boho, so I do own more of these for the comfort of cotton and light layers.  I have a feeling I look more uptight wearing classical clothing.  I find I do more decluttering and legging go of ‘stuff’ is easier.  

I have less obligations and I feel that I owe fewer people, strangers, my immediate attention.  This became less and less so as I aged.  As well, I tend to focus in on those who mean more to me.    I have a sense of, like Facebook cleansing, I am weeding out the slugs and bugs and bringer-downers.  I pick my battles much more carefully as well.  

As this social distancing is going on, I am finding I can do less in less time and do not have the hurry scurry of appointments and obligations. Time is short, believe me, and I am finding I am paring down what I feel I need to do or get done.  My routines are even simplified more.   

Every day, I realize I am becoming more mindful of what I do, what I think, what I feel and honing in on what I believe and taking that stand.  I worry less about the future because our future is and ending and so I am trying to get to the core of what, and who, is important.  

I remember knowing I was pregnant for the last time and I wanted to remember and enjoy each part of that.  Little did I know he would be in a big hurry and come 8 weeks early.  But, oh, how I enjoyed that pregnancy.  I now move that forward to, “this might be the last time I ____” and it makes everything I do, more meaningful. Even the most mundane becomes a type of joy.

I am honing the things I do and think and feel and believe to those things that give me satisfaction and happiness.  I absolutely refuse to dwell on those things that add stress and to those people who add stress.  I seek peace and somehow, some way, I am trying to mold my life into fitting into the space that gives me that.  I find I am gaining new perspectives, as well, every day.  I am question why I do/did something a certain way, and how I might do it better. I seek the bounty of love, limits, and luster in my life.  I have a sense I am on the right path, now, with no one dragging me down, weighting me down, and enmeshing me in infantile/narcissistic manipulations.  YES!  Yes!  This is becoming the best and today, so far, today, there is more ‘best’ to come. (making Danish crepes for dinner, later).  lol

For this painting on canvas board, I started with plastering on some bits and pieces for background.

Then I used some mother of Pearl mixed with white to get a shiny area to work within.  I really scrubbed with a regular small paint brush

Then, I wiped away some of the white with baby wipes, to get some of the bottom to show through.  I splattered some white over top.  I, also used paper towel to do a bit of texturing in colors left on my palette from an earlier painting.

 

I, then, used gesso to paint in the shape I was going for.

I began laying down color for the face and neck and shoulder areas.

I used the blue on her shirt to perk up the color. I darkened in the eyes as well.

At this point, I realized I had flowery looking things in the background so decided to put in some branches by using a stencil.  I suck at stenciling.

 

I added a blue bird and blue in her eyes to tie the piece together.  And, I love her.

Yes, for now, I am at peace.  I feel , sometimes, that I better hurry up and go before I make a huge mess of things...lol.  But, for now, heaven can wait.

©Carol Desjarlais 4.19.20