When I speak of The Goddesses, I am speaking about the qualities that each of us hold within. Sometimes they have extinguished. Sometimes they are there but we have not given ourselves a reason for them or have assigned another reason. But, without knowing the reason…not knowing that we have the spark of the Divine in our very DNA, there will be a sense of need, of wanting, and we cannot give a reason for that either. It might show up in our emotional lives as depression, as anxiety, as moments of lack of purpose. We will try to stay busy, slough it off as just a moment’s negativity…or craziness. It is there in those moments of deep loneliness that we feel, when we have no reason to feel lonely.
Have we lost our sense of intuition, hushed it, drowned it out with noise? Have we sensed a loss of connection, heart-centered connection, with others, with people, places, things? Have we sensed an almost bitterness, a lack of deep authentic compassion? Do we have fleeting moments where we know something we could not have known and simply shook our heads and keep on with denial or acceptance that the Golden Rule was/is Golden and our first rule. Do we have trouble accepting things as they are; that we are where we are for a reason; that we are here for a reason although we might not know that reason? Are we having trouble forgiving? Do we go through our daily lives thinking it I easier to “do it ourselves” and do not wish to be around others, that we are better off isolating ourselves? Do we avoid looking back at ourselves with healing in mind? Are we creating, in some way, every day? Are we afraid or tired of our sensuality? Do we feel we are a kind person? Are we gentle?
These things above are the things of the Divine Feminine Within. They are that very part of our DNA to be, to express, to feel. I know that I have, at times, been the negatives. I know I have, as I have learned more about the divine Feminine, been more positively all of those aspects. I am only beginning to feel that nurturing presence. And I have researched the Goddesses and their personalities and aspects, and the reflection of them, in my own life, after years and decades of study and immersing myself in ways to heal my spiritual self. I am a slow-learner. I spent half my life allowing Patriarchal religion to define my spirituality and act as judge and jury about my Being. I allowed someone to be the mediator between my God/Goddess and my spirituality. I had a reason to break free of all that in 1984 and that has been the most spiritually, emotionally empowering thing I have ever done. I gained a personal connection. I began to feel the personal connection. I began reconnecting with myself and the inner Divine Feminine that I was born with. I came to know how very wounded I was and magic/miracles began to happen in my life. I learned that, when the soul is ready, things will come to me. In 2007, my maternal birth family ‘miraculously’ found me. The birth mother longing dissipated at first glance of my mother. I, then, was left with a different kind of longing. I realized all my longings did not belong to the need to know who I was, where I came from, and birth-mother longing. It was then that I realized the spiritual woundedness that had been underpinning all my emotional and spiritual aspects of myself. Yes, we are wounded and we are in charge of our own spiritual/emotional healing.
I will be blogging about this, and, if you stick with me, you will begin to feel a sense of already knowing but not quite understanding what it is we long for. It is way beyond our ken to knowall. Just little mments of epiphanies will begin to happen. And each is like adding a tear to an ocean. And we begin to know, little by little how much we matter to the world, how much we should matter to ourselves.
Blessed Be!
©Carol Desjarlais 5.14.22
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