It used to be, waking up and having a bad hair day could ruin my morning. Sometimes my whole day was colored by that negative emotional response. Yes, vain I was. Today, waking up without a pain somewhere starts my emotional day great. These are small things, considering what could start a day off in a negative way. But it was, once, enough to do it.
Once, I was one to empathize deeply with others so that I cloud get a sense of the feelings they were not expressing. I cultivated that, in some way, through my career and it made me better at it.
In earliest ancient times, the abiity to take on other’s feelings meant survival. This was before even language. We still have that capability. Some allow too much of it an are unable to extricate themselves from external influences. Intuition is an important tool, some call it the “sixth sense, and some say women have more of it. But what happens when you ‘feel’ others’ emotions too much? So, we call ourselves, then, “overly-sensitive, overly-empathetic”? It can be a really destructive thing in one’s emotional health but one you can learn to control so that it is only used when needed for personal guidance. Other people’s emotions should not belong to you. Yes, there is empathy an sympathy, but that is reserved for times when others might be really hurting from trauma or grief, or strong emotional things life can hand us… but we should not be feeling them all the time and sinking into the lethargy and deep emotional pain that does not belong to us. That is not what the gift of emotions was meant for.
We can get lost in feelings when we do not know which are our emotions and which belong to others. It can keep us from feeling healthy and happy and living a meaningful like. It is good to check in when a feeling comes and see if you, indeed, own it, or if it is one you allowed to seep in from someone else.
Emotions are an actual measurable energy in our body. Emotions fuel action. Imagine if that emotion is not yours and you are all fueled up for someone else’s reason. You cannot solve other people’s problems. Chute, I can barely manage my own sometimes. Be aware of your feelings. If you find that you are sucking up someone else’s negative emotions, often, then you must spend less time around them until you are able to manage your own emotions and not feed into theirs.
Keep track of your highs and lows. Keep track of people who you seem emulate their feelings rather than your own. Give your feelings a label. Then, sort through and see who each of your emotions belong to. As you become aware of whose feelings you are emoting, you can begin to own your own and not fall into the emotions, or emotional reactions, that do not belong to you.
Paying more attention to your own emotions is a truly a work of love. As your feelings become more authentic, you will, actually, be able to ‘feel’ for others in healthy ways. Do not let any mood in that does not belong to you. Center yourself by owning your emotions and discarding emotions that simply are not yours. If you are, for instance, angry, know the reason why and that will help you know if your anger belongs to you or not. The same goes for every emotion you feel.
Know that others will want to unburden themselves of painful emotions. They do not necessarily want your care and comfort. They may simply want to unload and you happened along. Do not, ever, take on another person’s burdens and start lugging them around. If you realize that they walk way relieved and you walk away with their heavy emotions, then you will understand emotions a little better. Know your own emotions and know those who are simply using you as their burden carrier.
Yes, being a safe person for others to be able to seek comfort and care from. But, do not own their experiences nor their ensuing emotional responses to their own problems. We all have enough problems of our own. Do not be that person, bogged down by others’ emotions, standing on the road with a big sign that says to unburden themselves to you and ON you. Lug your own junk.
You look after you. Let Creator finish with others who are not able to deal with their own emotions on their own. Until you are healthy and healed enough to know your own emotion and emotional responses, do try to stay aware from emotionally charged people. It is never right to say, “____put name of person, place, or thing” MADE me feel…..” No one can make you feel anything you do not want to feel. Read that again.
NO one can make you feel anything you do not want to feel!
Check your feelings at the door. Most times, it is best to deal with your feelings on your own. Do not be a person who seeks burden carriers. Own your feelings, name them, and, if you must share, find the right person, at the right time, to share your feelings with (usually a counsellor). Of course, if you have a relationship with someone who you know is able to care and comfort without taking over, or denying your feelings (because they can not deal with their own), keep those kinds of friends around. Make sure that there is equal give and take of emotions. Make sure those kinds of people are not walking away as hurt as you felt. Emotions are powerful. They re easily transferable. Keep a “no return” policy for your own emotions and share because you need to share not unload.
Be authentic. Fee; your own authentic feelings. Respond according to your own feelings. Own them!
©Carol Desjarlais 5.1.22
"If you find that you are sucking up someone else’s negative emotions, often, then you must spend less time around them until you are able to manage your own emotions and not feed into theirs." This has been an often painful lesson to learn, had to let go of attachments that I realized never were, lots of tears and guilt. I first realized that I did this a long time ago, and the lesson keeps rearing up throughout time with me, it's like I forget myself sometimes and become what others are feeling. I must learn to control this better.
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